AllFreeNovel
Share Us
A single tear escaped and I swiped it away with the side of my hand. There would be no later.
For a second out there, I’d almost let myself believe everything was fine.
Oh, you’re being silly. Over the top. Seeing old ghosts that don’t exist.
So what if an eight-year-old draws her parents’ hands together when they’re in the same space for a rare couple of moments? What else would you expect her to do other than to hope her parents would one day get back together?
And that wasn’t even the crux of it. I was already jealous of Jessica. Not that I didn’t have plenty going on myself—because thank you very much, I did—but I wasn’t blind. She was beautiful and famous and beyond that, they’d made a child together. I had no clue what that bond must feel like. And now I never would.
There was no way I could deal with this kind of pain again.
I risked shifting to look at him. “You didn’t tell me you were going to see her, and it didn’t just slip your mind. You lied to me.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, it’s not a lie when someone doesn’t tell you something. It’s like the night of our first kiss all over again. Maybe they really did forget.”
“It’s not a they, Gideon, it’s you.”
“Maybe they weren’t thinking about how you’d see it for one fucking second because I was worried I was going to lose my daughter. Not forever, but more time with her, and that feels like forever.”
I spun around and stared at nothing. I couldn’t make out shapes or colors right now. It was all an indistinct blur.
“Mace.” Gideon gripped my shoulder—not a soft touch, but a serious hold like he meant it. I flinched, but I didn’t jerk away. “Look at me.”
“Why?” I hated that my voice broke as I asked the question. Absolutely hated it.
“All of this is really because I didn’t tell you I was meeting Jessica this afternoon?” The faint note of dubiousness in his tone had me digging my fingers into the unforgiving countertop. “I meant to, but I didn’t because I was tied up in myself and my worry about Dani. I admit it. It was selfish and unfair to you and I’m sorry. But it wasn’t the only reason.”
I pivoted to face him, and the lines of worry bracketing his eyes—so many more than had seemed to be there just weeks ago—had me clamping down on my tongue. But those lines definitely didn’t lessen the lump in my throat.
He looked absolutely exhausted. He was so terrified to lose more time with Dani. Why shouldn’t he do whatever necessary to ensure his daughter had a stable home? She was his first responsibility, not some chick he’d been messing around with since the end of summer.
“If you take her back, you won’t have to worry she’ll take your kid away from you anymore.” The words left me in a hot rush that hurt my throat.
Gideon stared at me as if I was speaking a language he’d never heard before. “I don’t want Jessica back. I definitely didn’t before, but how could I even think about her when I have you?”
The words carved away slices of me. Even if that were true, I couldn’t face the bone-deep weariness in his eyes without accepting I had the power to end it.
Or at least to release him from whatever was tying him to me, whether it was misplaced guilt over my situation with Lou and Malcolm or maybe because the sex was good. Even if he did have genuine feelings for me, they couldn’t come above his concern for his daughter.
And they shouldn’t.
I wasn’t going to make him choose. I also wasn’t going to hang around and wait until he got there himself. Our so-called dating arrangement had earned me some freaking intense feelings, and I had to think about self-preservation at this point.
“She’s backing off.” He took hold of my wrist and tugged me to him, but this time, his touch was a silken cord. Barely enough to keep me in place. “She’s got a movie. She’s going to leave us alone. You, me, and Dani.”
I couldn’t have missed the undercurrent in his voice. A thread of desperation that matched the band squeezing the air out of my chest.
“What about next time?” I couldn’t speak above a whisper. “Anytime she changes her mind, you’re just going to live at her mercy? And what, make up dating arrangements with whomever is around then, just so you can make sure you’ll get to keep your own child? It doesn’t have to be that way. You made a baby with her.”
Some part of me wanted to throttle myself for saying this shit. For trying to pretend it was empowering for me to send him back to his ex. Like he was a gift I could give away.
Not because I had ownership—God, no—but because he was a fucking awesome guy who just wanted to be with his kid.
I couldn’t blame him. If there was a way he could ensure he’d get to keep her, I wouldn’t stand in the way.
Maybe in time, he’d see I was right. Smart. Practical. We both so loved being sensible.
“I honestly can’t believe you think this is the answer.” He closed his eyes, the deep furrows in his forehead standing out in sharp relief. “To avoid risk, I’m supposed to live a lie?”
