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Wrong. The town comes after Gina, and you know it. That’s why you shoved her away.
“As it should be. That little girl needs you.” He released a breath. “I know it’s not my place to ask.”
“Go ahead. Ask anything.”
“You have good judgment, son. You
always have. Why would you pick someone like that? A woman who would abandon her own child.”
I’d been waiting for this very question. “We both did,” I said softly.
I didn’t want to wound him. That was the last thing I wanted. But somehow I’d repeated a pattern, even without intending for the experience to be anything other than fleeting.
“Your mother wasn’t like that when we met. She changed, Jared. I know you’ll never believe it, but I knew her, inside and out, and she changed. The woman I fell in love with could’ve never left her babies.”
I didn’t argue. How could I? If he hadn’t changed his mind in this many years, he wasn’t going to. And I wasn’t exactly an expert on love or anything else.
Tonight had proved that. Not that I was in love with Gina.
I didn’t know how to be.
“Samantha’s mother was a lost weekend. That’s all. I was running away from dealing with…other things and aimed at her instead. It was just fun and meaningless.”
“Not meaningless,” he said lightly.
“No. Not at all.” I laid down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. Earlier, I’d imagined this evening would end very differently. “What kind of flowers say ‘I’m sorry but I don’t deserve you so you should probably try again with someone else, even if it kills me’?”
“Hmm. You’ve stumped me.”
I frowned. “You know every single flower. There has to be one.”
He thought for a moment. “White orchids. They’re probably perfect for Gina.”
“You think so?”
“Best guess. What happened? You seemed quite cozy at dinner.”
“I just keep fucking…fudging up,” I amended over my dad’s low laughter.
He never corrected me, but I just couldn’t swear around my dad. He was this gentle soul, and I was coarse and stubborn and rough around the edges.
And Gina appreciates you just the way you are.
“We’ve been close for so long, and nothing ever changed. Some part of me liked the constancy of that, even if there were things I wanted to happen.”
“I can just imagine what.”
“Not only that,” I said quickly, heat singeing the back of my neck. “And for the record, it still hasn’t. We can’t quite get there. Maybe it’s for the best.”
“Or maybe you both keep putting up roadblocks so you don’t risk more than you’re prepared to lose.”
“Look, I don’t want advice.”
“No one ever really wants it. Advice means doing the work. Fighting for what you want. But those who love you will try to help anyway. What I saw tonight was a family.”
“Well, of course, the Ramos family is tight.”
“Not only them. I meant you and Gina and that baby.”
