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I sniffed and swiped at my stupid tears.
“You’re making this dude crazy. Not really like you, Lu.”
“I know.”
“Just go see him.”
I looped my arms around my knees. I’d been in the same pajamas since yesterday. “It’s not that easy.”
“It really is.”
“I waited too long.” Guilt and fear was an ugly brew in my belly. For once, it wasn’t the kind that had me sprinting for the bathroom. This one might’ve actually been worse.
Every night, I missed him like a limb and I hated it. Could this be any more awful than losing him for real?
My eyes burned as another tear escaped.
Ryan stroked a hand down my hair. “No, you took a time out. It’s totally different. And hey, I did the same.”
“It nearly killed me,” Preston quipped from the doorway.
Ryan glanced at him. “But did it, really?”
He leaned on the doorjamb. “You were damn happy to see me when I arrived on that mountain, Miss Moon.”
“Yeah, I was very happy to see you. But I’d also had some time to think about what we were to one another. And we’d known each other even less time. Was it any wonder I was a basket-case?”
Preston came into the room and slipped an arm around her waist. “Her situation is a little different.”
“Why, because she’s having a baby?” Ryan spun around to face him.
“Yes.”
“No. That doesn’t make a bit of difference. A sperm donor is not who she is missing, you idiot.”
Preston gently rubbed her arms. “I just mean she has more to think about.”
She elbowed him away and turned back to me. “Is that the problem?”
“No. Well, not the only thing.” I tipped my head back. “I can be both mom and dad for this baby if that was the problem. Caleb wants the baby. He’s freaking thrilled. But what if he changes his mind? Then what? I get left alone again?”
“What?” Ryan launched herself at me. Her aura was glowing hot with love and the fierce protectiveness that had drawn me to her in the first place. “No. You’ll never be alone again. You’ll always have me. You even have PMS. He loves you too.”
I wrapped my arms around her. “I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean you. I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m so messed up.”
“You meant exactly that.” She pulled back and gripped my shoulders. “You have never let yourself love a guy since I’ve known you.”
I frowned. “I’ve had guys in my life.”
“Yeah, you’ve had guys. Fun. Maybe even an almost love with that rockstar guy.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Dominic was just a fling.”
“He was a little more than that.”
I sighed. “Dom didn’t have room in his life for two loves.” And I’d known that within a month of going out with him. Even back then, I’d always picked guys I knew would never be more than temporary.
That was all Caleb was supposed to be too. And he’d ruined it with that clever smile and stupidly perfect green eyes. With the way he held me at night and texted me all damn day even though he faced the wrath of Sister Tobias by having his cell phone in class.
