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It wasn’t the first time. We always had pockets of understanding and laughter in between the petty arguments and sniping and insanely hot sex. But she always locked down. Sometimes I could even physically see it happening. The shields dropping to block away any emotion she didn’t want me to be privy to.
But not only me. She hid them from herself too. That was the only way a woman as responsive as she was could only play half the notes on the guitar and pretend she covered the whole damn G clef.
Leticia might be her first name, but Denial was her middle.
I had to assume Jimmy was a big part of that. Sure, she’d told me about his betrayal. But she hadn’t told me the rest. The most salient part.
He’d broken her heart by abusing her trust. And I was clearly a heartless bastard, because the only reason I wished he was still alive was so that I could kick his ass for what he’d done to her.
What he was still doing, even if she’d never admit it.
The ride to Happy Acres was slow and by inches rather than miles due to the endless snow slanting down from the gray sky. She was quiet through the trip, lacing and unlacing her fingers. She wasn’t the chatty sort normally, but this was a lot of stony silence even for her.
She’d been there with me. I was damn sure of it. So, there could only be one explanation.
“If you’re worried about the condom thing—”
“I’m not.” She stared out the side window. “Not an issue.”
“Are you on birth control?”
“It’s not an issue,” she repeated.
I gripped the wheel tighter and forced myself to stay focused on the blur of white out the windshield rather than her profile. I loved looking at her, and I sneaked greedy glances whenever I could. I wanted to see her willingly soft and vulnerable after sex, to glimpse her with her shields down. Not because I’d pushed beyond them, but because she finally understood she didn’t need them with me.
That was probably a fantasy.
“Look, I’m not just bouncing on you just because it feels good.”
“Oh, no? You interested in my designs too?”
The arrow struck deep, as intended. I sucked in a breath and wished it really was a physical arrow so I could reach down and make the bleeding stop.
She swore under her breath. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair. Neither was me leaping on you about the house delays. I was way out of line then and now too. I just—I can’t do whatever you’re aiming for right now.”
“No kidding.” There was no keeping the bitterness out of my tone. “My fault for thinking this time, you were with me and not him.”
“What?” Her head whipped toward me although I refused to return her glance. Petty maybe, but I had my pride too.
“You heard me.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t I?” I asked quietly.
“Before we go to Holy Acres, I need you to stop somewhere for me.”
I couldn’t even laugh about her mistake. “Need a morning after pill? Can’t take one fast enough, I’m sure.”
She locked her jaw with an audible snap. “You can’t outdick me, but I can tell you’re ready to try. So, just get it out of your system so we can be rational about this.”
“I’m fucking in love with you. Be rational about that.” I slammed my hand on the wheel, and the truck swerved on a patch of ice, careening off the road and hitting a snowbank with a soft thud. The impact reverberated, rattling the metal enough that I instinctively shot out my arm across the passenger seat to keep Ruby safe.
That was all I wanted. Her safe and happy.
And most of all, I wanted her to be mine. Warts, cracks, strengths, smiles, and all.
I blew out a breath and took stock. Everything was still in one piece. From the looks of things, she was fine too—physically at least.
