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It seemed like he was going to drag his decision out further, but as I was cleaning up after my shift, I heard a voice from across the room. "I'm not just afraid for you."
I glanced up to find him standing in the doorway. He looked like he hadn't slept a wink.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I know you think I've got my shit under control, and most of the time I do, but it's by the skin of my teeth. Routine, repetition, knowing my limits, that's how I get by. But last night, that wasn't part of the plan. All that stuff you said about being happy for the first time in forever, that's how it was for me too, and it scares the shit out of me. I told you that when Fi left, I didn't blame her, and that was the truth, but it still hurt like hell. Everything was falling apart around me, and she was the only good thing I had left. After that, I just let myself go numb. It was the only way to cope." He stepped closer, his face a mask of intensity. "But I'm not numb anymore. I can't be. What I felt for Fi was like a candle next to the fucking sun compared to this." He gave a little shake of his head. "I don't know if I can come back from this one."
It made my heart ache hearing such sweet words, but there was a tremble of fear there, too. He was right. The connection between us was potent, which meant that the stakes were impossibly high. If we went ahead, it could spell disaster for both of us but, at the same time, I think we'd already gone too far to turn back. For better or for worse, we were in this. "So what are you saying?"
He hesitated. "I'm saying that I'm terrified, but I don't think I've got a choice. I can't ignore this either, Grace."
Relief surged through me, and I ran to embrace him. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tightly against his chest. That position already felt scarily like home.
"It's going to be hard," he said.
I didn't have any illusions about that. "Nothing can be harder than the last few months."
He didn't look entirely convinced, but he nodded. I liked that he was willing to be vulnerable with me. At first glance, he came across like one of those guys who is all machismo, but beneath that rugged exterior lay an emotional, sensitive, wounded man.
In the silence that followed, I once again found my gaze wandering. Despite the emotional turmoil the other night had spawned, my mind kept coming back to the things we'd done, to the way his body had felt on top of mine. I wanted him more than ever, and now I officially had his permission.
Stepping closer until my chest was pressed up against his I leaned up to kiss him, but he stopped me with a finger over my lips. "What's wrong?" I asked.
"If you do that, I'm not sure I'll be able to control myself."
"So? There's nobody around," I said, feeling an uncharacteristic rush of boldness. Something about him brought that side of me out. He made me feel sexy.
He let out an amused little laugh. "That's true, but we've done things backward so far. I don't do things by halves, and even if I did, I couldn't with
you. We're going to do this right. I'm going to take you out."
I raised an eyebrow. "I thought you didn't do 'normal?'"
"For you, I'm willing to try. Besides, it'll be good for me." His voice wavered ever so slightly when he said that. I got the sense this was a big deal.
"What did you have in mind?" I asked.
"Is dinner and a movie too college for you?"
I laughed. "It sounds perfect."
"When's your next night off?"
"Not for four days."
"Can we lock it in, then?"
"Deal."
He looked poised to turn and leave, but then his eyes raked over my body and his expression turned hot. "Maybe one kiss couldn't hurt."
I loved that I had that effect on him. "Okay," I said, sounding far too "swooning Hollywood damsel" for my liking.
Wrapping his hands around my hips he pushed me up against the bar. Even in such a simple gesture, I could feel the innate power of his body. He wasn't one of those guys that acts dominant because of ego or arrogance. For Logan, it was simply his nature. Strength and control.
His mouth was hot and oh-so soft. Drawing my lips between his, he sucked on them gently, a deep rumble rolling up from inside his chest. Without realizing what I was doing, I backed myself up until I was sitting on a bar stool, my legs parting to welcome him. He followed my lead, sliding closer until there was nothing but cotton between us. I could feel the heat of his excitement through his jeans, hungry and iron hard.
I was close, so close to slipping into that zone where my mind was no longer in control, when suddenly he pulled back. His cheeks were flushed, his eyes wild and beautiful. He took a moment to recover, then flashed a cheeky smile. "To be continued."
