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Holy awkward.
Justin cleared his throat and held out his hand. “Let’s go see the puppies.”
Chest tight, she gazed up at him. God, she ached to give him a hug. She hated the bruised look of his eyes. Deep down inside he was still that little boy who feared for his mother, and she wished she could take his worry away.
Better than anyone, she knew she couldn’t. They both had their own messes to clean up, and sometimes there wasn’t anyone else to do the heavy lifting.
“Let’s go,” she echoed instead of everything else she yearned to say.
Like that it was the wrong time for them to try to make a go of it, but that didn’t mean she didn’t want to. That she got why he was afraid of hurting her. That he hadn’t. He wouldn’t.
Though she couldn’t state that for sure. He’d never harm her intentionally, she knew that much. Still, there were no guarantees, for either of them.
Together they walked through the house to the basement. The open floor plan helped show off the bits of Christmas cheer scattered throughout, and the charmingly worn furniture spoke of years of use. She wished she could stop to examine the quilted throw on the back of the couch—now she knew where Justin had gotten his—and the framed pictures that lined the hallway, yet she forced herself to keep up with Justin. Evidently he needed to get out of there quick, and she wasn’t about to stop him.
The expansive basement had been turned into a huge doggy playroom. There were six of them, four puppies and two older German shepherds Kylie assumed were their parents. They were regal, exuberant dogs with tons of energy, and by the time they left, she was laughing—and covered with silver-tipped, black fur. Even Justin smiled a few times as he cuddled one of the pups with a shiny blue dog tag that proclaimed his name was Gonzo.
“I want one of them,” she told him as they walked out to his Jeep almost an hour later. He kept pace beside her, accommodating her reduced speed due to her achy ankle. “They’re so dang cute.”
On the way out she’d said thanks again to Justin’s parents, and he’d said his own good-byes once she headed outside. He obviously didn’t want her to be privy to his family discussions, which was fine.
Or it would be, once she stopped getting her wittle feelings hurt.
“I saw you snuggling with Penny.” He held open the passenger door for her. “If you want, I’ll make sure Mom doesn’t sell her until you get settled,” he added as she slid into her seat.
For a minute, she allowed herself to get excited at the idea. She could find her own cute place, one where they’d let her have a dog. Nothing fancy, just somewhere she could start over. One with room for a nice big bed for—
The sound of the door shutting made her jump. Nice big bed for who, exactly? She intended to take it slow with Justin, if he even wanted to take it at all anymore after their kitchen encounter.
“Friends can still sleep together,” she muttered.
And play with sex toys, and spank each other…
The drive back to his house wasn’t much more chatty than the drive to his parents’ had been. Thanks to the big meal and the tryptophan from the turkey, she couldn’t seem to keep her eyes open. Sort of sucked really, since she’d found such a great worrying-about-everything groove.
Yeah, sleeping sounded way better.
He pulled into his drive and turned off the vehicle. Even before he spoke, she sensed his tension. “I’ll make up the guest room for you tonight.” While she stared at him openmouthed, he scratched the back of his neck. “Unless you’d prefer to stay with a friend. If you’d rather, I could drive you to—”
“What the hell?” Before she could temper the impulse, she hauled back and punched him in the arm.
He barely flinched. “I’d ask what that was for, but I think I know.”
“You don’t know anything. You just think you do.” Beyond irate, she crossed her arms over her chest. “It’s Thanksgiving. If I had any friends I could call, don’t you think I would’ve already?”
“You called me.”
“Yeah, I did. You were the only person I thought of running to. Maybe that means I’m repeating old patterns or something equally psychobabble-ish, or that I’m trading one tumultuous relationship for another. But I knew I’d be safe with you.”
He tightened his fingers around the wheel. “Safe. Right.”
She reached out to place her hand on his thigh, and he shot his gaze to hers. “If you believe nothing else I say, believe this: I know you would never intentionally cause me harm. I know that, Justin. The problem is you don’t.”
He faced forward and flexed his granite jaw. “How can you say that after tonight?”
She inhaled sharply. She’d known what was at the root of his sudden about-face but hearing him say it aloud sliced her open. After what she’d witnessed at his parents, she understood his aloneness more acutely than before. He’d exiled himself because he couldn’t stand being party to what he suspected would again turn into an abusive situation.
And now he believed he’d somehow crossed a line himself. Because of her. She’d pushed him too hard, and he’d broken his own rigid moral code where she was concerned. He didn’t see her as just some chick he?
