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“The Grinch is back!” Devers said, and everyone laughed.
After that, everything seemed to go back to normal. Mostly.
I didn’t reach out to my stepdad because, why bother? He left the game early, which he’d given me the heads-up about, and then missed me almost dying.
Now who’s being dramatic?
But when Girard approached my car in the lot with a care package his mom had sent with him to practice, which contained snacks as well as soup and crackers, I was beside myself.
“She made you her famous chicken noodle soup,” he said with pride in his voice even as his cheeks darkened a little.
Nothing got by his parents because they were a close family, and he shared his life with them. I didn’t have that, so deep longing had kicked up an extra notch in my gut as I thanked him.
That night at home, I heated the soup on the stovetop with a strange stitch in my chest.
“Damn, that smells good,” Donovan said as he entered the kitchen to grab a soda from the fridge.
“You want some?” I offered, knowing there was plenty for us both. Hollister, too, if he hadn’t been out somewhere with his girlfriend.
“Nah, that’s all for you,” he replied, and when I threw him a perplexed look, he sighed. “Don’t you get it? Girard cares about you, and by extension, so does his family.”
My shoulders bunched up as panic sliced through me. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t I?” He rolled his eyes before giving me a knowing look.
I grew still as awareness rolled over me. He knew about me and Girard, most likely guessed it all on his own, and it didn’t feel all that terrible. It felt almost…like relief.
“And fuck you, Maclain.” He unscrewed the cap on his soda. “You’ve been a dick to me for months and don’t deserve my opinion, but I gave it to you anyway.”
“You’re right,” I admitted, and that felt like relief too. Go figure. I’d had my emotions wrapped up so tight, I didn’t even know anymore what it felt like without all my defenses up.
“Halle-fucking-lujah,” he said through gritted teeth. “Even though you’ve been a complete shit, I’m still here if you need any advice.”
“Gee, thanks,” I scoffed, raising my walls again.
“Whatever,” he grumbled, giving me his back on his way out of the kitchen.
“Wait.” Donovan froze, then slowly turned to face me. “I’m sorry. I just don’t know how to…not be afraid.”
It was the most honest I’d ever been with him, and he owed me absolutely nothing in return.
He stared at me a long moment. “Yeah, it’s scary at first. But being free—your true self—is such an incredible feeling. Still, it doesn’t mean all your problems are solved. You’ll have to decide with each person and in every situation how much you’re willing to show of yourself. But finally being open with people you trust and care about is… Well, it’s everything.”
He had this dreamy smile on his face that made me breathless. I wanted that feeling so bad, and I didn’t know what to do with that.
“But what about the ones who won’t understand or accept it?”
Realization dawned on his face, so he likely knew I was referring to my dad. “You’ll have to decide how much you’ll allow them in your life—or in your confidence. Not always an easy decision.”
“Thanks, Donovan.” And I meant it. This conversation was long overdue, and I was to blame for not having it sooner. “Guess you’re all right.”
“Ass.” He smirked and fist-bumped me. “Oh, almost forgot. Kellan wanted me to give you a stack of fundraiser fliers to pass out around campus.”
“Okay, cool.” I waited as he ran out to his car to get them.
He came back in, handed me a large envelope of fliers, then waved goodbye, but just as he was about to head back out, he turned. “And hey, Kellan and I are meeting Jasmine and Tanya at Neon tonight if you want to hang out in a place where you can be yourself.”
I felt my stomach tighten. “No, thanks.”
“I get it. It was scary my first time too. So suit yourself.” He gripped the door handle. “Just so you know, I invited Girard too because he seemed interested in San Diego, so if you change your mind…”
Goddamn it. I mumbled another thanks as he grabbed his keys and left the house, no doubt to head over to Kellan and Jasmine’s place.
I ate my soup, then went to my room, where I opened my laptop and got started on a couple of assignments. But I couldn’t concentrate, so I grabbed my phone instead.
Tell your mom thanks again. I swear that soup was the best I had.
Told you so. I have no idea why she likes your grouchy ass so much.
Obviously because I’m awesome. I took a deep breath, then typed: Hey, are you meeting them out tonight?
