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After all, I can’t take a pregnancy test in Gray or Joseph’s apartment. They would know immediately, or even worse, find the indicator and ask me what it’s about. As a result, I made up an excuse about a study group while retreating to the privacy of SVA.
Slowly, I approach the high-rise dorm. It’s nothing to look at really. Just a massive, brutalist style building with lots of windows that look like insect eyes. After I enter, I swing by the student mailboxes and sure enough, mine is stuffed to the gills with all sorts of mailers, random flyers, and what looks like a tuition bill. Uck.
Finally, I’m back in my room and everything’s the same, even if the air is bit stale. There’s my teddy bear, and my down comforter with the moon and stars on it. Sighing, I look around. This is the room of a little girl, and in the past few months, I feel like I’ve changed so much. I’ve grown up, if you will, under the caresses of two gorgeous men.
Well, we’ll see how that works out. Given my gloomy mood, some fresh air will definitely help fix things, and I tug open the windows to let the breeze caress my face. That’s much better.
But now it’s time for the purpose of this clandestine escape. I pull out a pregnancy test from the drugstore and step into the bathroom. For a few seconds, I hold the box in my hand and just stare at it. A million thoughts are running through my head. Gray and Joseph never promised me a future. When we began our relationship, they said it would be an “internship” at most, and that I shouldn’t expect more. They were totally clear that we can’t go public with what we have because it would be the end of their careers. So what am I doing now?
My nerves have me pacing in the small space, with the box squeezed tight in my hand until it’s nearly crushed. Whatever the result, I need to do this. Even though in my heart of hearts, I already know what my body’s been telling me, solid proof is necessary.
The test itself is easy, simple, and straightforward. I pee on the stick and then place it on the edge of the sink and set the timer on my phone. Oh god, those numbers ticking down are killing me. I can’t stop pacing, and my heart’s going at a million miles an hour. But finally, the phone goes off with a trill, and squeezing the bridge of my nose, I reach for the indicator. What’s it going to say?
Holy shit. I’m pregnant.
The air is sucked out of my lungs and my heart contracts sharply. What am I going to do? How do I tell my lovers? Even the thought of Joseph or Gray rejecting this baby is absolutely terrifying. But this isn’t just about us anymore because I have their son or daughter in my belly. It’s about a new life, and suddenly, I know I want this child. Maybe he or she was conceived while making love to two men, but the key words are “making love.” I’m in love with the two Senators, and this pregnancy is the proof of our connection.
But right now, I need to get myself together. Breathing deeply, I close my eyes and try to clear my mind if only for a moment. The blankness soothes me and when I open my eyes once more, I feel more ready to tackle the day.
Heading back into my room, I look around. Okay, one small task at a time. There’s a stack of mail on my bed where I left it, and I can handle that. This will be a good distraction and quickly, I weed out the junk mail and toss it into the trash with a satisfying plunk. That felt good.
But there’s still a plain white envelope with my name typed on the front and no return sender. Weird. Maybe it’s an invitation to a campus event or party.
But when I open the envelope, I see that it’s just a piece of notebook paper, which is so weird. Did someone handwrite a letter? It seems almost archaic. Sure enough, when I unfold the sheet, my eyes pop out of my head as the oxygen in my lungs evaporates.
I know what you’re doing, it reads in red ink. You two-timing double butt-fucking SLUT!
What the hell? Who sent me this? Agitated, I manage to suck in some air even though there’s an elephant sitting on my chest.
But then my eyes see what’s drawn below and a wave of nausea hits me. This person is no artist but the sender of the note crudely sketched a picture of two penises and one nude, lush woman. The two cocks are huge and bulging and labeled “Senator Mellon” and “Senator Packard,” and they’re shoved into the stick figure woman labeled “Emma” as she screams with ecstasy.
