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“Those are your issues.” She huffs, pushing past me and striding with purpose toward my car. I sigh and follow her. At least I know she plans on going home with me. She gets in my car and slams the door shut.
I give Mike and JT instructions to follow us before I get in the car. Holy shit . . . The thick tension is stifling. As much as I don’t want to be the first to cave, I can’t drive until the air is cleared. “I’m sorry, okay? I don’t know how to be with someone who doesn’t need me.”
Her folded arms and tense jaw are typical of a woman pissed beyond apologies, and I don’t know what the hell else to say to make her understand.
“I guess we’re at an impasse then, because I don’t know how to be needy.”
I literally pull my hair until it hurts. This fucking woman is going to break me. “Look, I get it. You’re independent and you don’t need anyone and . . .”
“No, you don’t get it.” She interrupts. “I don’t need you . . . not at all. I want you. Wouldn’t you prefer to be wanted? Need implies obligation, like you owe me something. Want is by choice and I choose you, but don’t freak out on me the minute you jump to some lame conclusion and lump me in with the women in your past. I don’t know them and if this is going to work, I’ll be damned if I’m going to be compared to them.”
I hear every word and there’s no argument to counter that she won’t call bullshit on, so I flash her a smile instead. “Okay.”
She laughs. “That’s my line.”
Feeling relieved, I pull into traffic and drive us back to the loft. Since I can’t walk away from Peyton, I vow to start trusting that her intentions are genuine. If I stay, I can’t treat her like she’s Maria. I have to stop looking for the hustle.
I’m going to prove to Peyton and to myself that I’m capable of falling in love again.
As I tuck Javier into bed, I think about our week as a family in Mazatlán. Javier’s never been happier and Eduardo’s never been kinder. We swam with dolphins and shopped; we did everything Eduardo promised we would. We were a family on a tropical vacation, like normal families; ones who aren’t involved in the drug-smuggling business. The week was a glimpse of what our life could be like if I let Eduardo take us away.
Eduardo continues to reassure me that he’s getting out of the cartel because he wants more for Javier. For a man who once refused to claim Javier, he’s completely owned by his son. There are moments I lose myself in the delusion of who Eduardo and I are. Times when I truly believe Javier was brought into the world out of love. I try to cling to the warm feelings those thoughts create and sometimes when I close my eyes, I believe the lie my life has become. I believe this is my family. That I was given a choice.
On the flight home as Javier slept in Eduardo’s lap, I considered letting Tug go and giving up any plans to save him. Our love refuses to let
me, because no matter how lost I become, Tug always brings me home.
I’ve pondered a million scenarios to save Tug, and the only one that will succeed is the same one that will force me to forget about him.
Once Javier’s breaths grow heavy, I leave the bedroom and find Eduardo seated behind the desk in his office. He spins the chair as I come around the desk. I take his hands and kneel on the floor in front of him.
“What is it?” he asks softly. “You look troubled.”
“I want to thank you for the trip. It was wonderful and I can’t remember a time when I was so happy.”
“You’re welcome. I will do anything to make you happy.”
I swallow, looking directly into his deep brown eyes. “Good, because I want to ask something of you.”
His expression doesn’t change, except maybe his eyes narrow slightly as he leans forward in the chair. “You can ask me anything.”
“I’m with you now because I truly want to be,” I say, squeezing his hands. “Nothing else at play, and I’m willing to stay and be with you, as you want.” My gaze falls as my courage wavers.
“I feel the same.”
“I heard you on the phone. I know what you’re planning for . . .”
“Stop!”
“No, please, just hear what I have to say. I want to be with you, but Mr. Hunter was good to me and Javier. I’ll stay with you, but promise me you won’t ruin his career or hurt him.”
My skin screams as his palm connects with my cheek. “How dare you betray me. You’re my wife and the mother of my child and if you loved me you would not concern yourself with his welfare.”
I wish I’d never married him in Mazatlán. At the time, I fully bought into the fairytale he created, and I wanted to believe I was more to him than property.
While I know what I have coming will be worse than the slap, I have to say it. “I can’t bear something awful happening to him because of me. I’ll only stay with you if you promise to leave him alone.”
The last thing I hear before the room goes black is, “You’ll stay with me because I said you will.”
