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“I’m going to take what I want.”
His mistake comes when he attempts to remove my jeans. He can’t free the button with one hand. Once he lowers his other hand, mine are free. I use them to push him back, following with a thrust of my foot into his belly. He grunts sailing backward, which gives me a few seconds to jump to my feet.
When he dives forward, he barely misses my ankle. Before he’s on his feet, I’m already halfway down the hall, only inches from the front door. His footsteps pound into the floor behind me, but I keep going until I’m outside and run right into Mike.
As I turn on to her street, red and blue flashing lights litter the scene in front of Peyton’s place. My chest collapses. A mere half of a mile separates me and whatever fate has planned for me. I didn’t make it in time to save her and if she’s hurt, or worse, the whole vicious cycle that’s been my life starts all over again.
My phone vibrates and I look down to a text from Mike, she’s fine.
The air rushes out of me, but I don’t feel relief as the remaining worry of how upset she’ll be with me and if she even wants to see me plagues my thoughts. But at least she isn’t hurt physically. She can hate me as long as she’s safe, I can live with that. Who am I kidding? I’m not about to live without her.
I have to park a few houses down and walk to her place as there are dozens of emergency vehicles. After about two steps, I see her staring at me and jog to reach her at the bottom of her driveway. I’m confused because I thoroughly expected to find her crying and upset and angry, but the smile on her face is delightful.
“Took you long enough.”
It always does and this woman always waits for me. I don’t deserve her, but I’m fucking done fighting. “Better late than never,” I respond just as I did the last time we stood in this driveway.
“I guess that depends on why you’re here.” She clearly remembers this conversation as well, but unlike before, I know my answer and I plan to take full advantage of my second chance.
“I’m here because I’m in love with you, Peyton. I’ve always loved you. I’m here because the thought of living without you hurts more than opening up to you. I haven’t said it because I didn’t want you to have any power over me, but the truth is . . . you already do. You’re the first woman who hasn’t needed me and that scares the shit out of me. But then you did need me and I wasn’t here and that freaked me out too. The one thing I’m positive of is you’re the last woman I ever want to take a risk with.”
She shakes her head with a smile that makes me melt on the inside. “I do need you, but not to save me.” Her palm presses flat on my chest above my heart. “I need what’s in here, Aidan. I need you to be with me. All of you, even the parts you try to hide, because they make you worthy.”
I let out a painful sigh. “You’re the only one who sees it.”
“Maybe I’m the only one who wants to.” She grins, looking me over. “I think you had time to put some clothes on.”
And just like that, I’m positive I’m never going to lose this woman. That she’d never intentionally hurt me, and that she really is my angel.
Roughly two hours later, we’re back at the loft and all is forgotten as I sink into the hot bath Aidan insisted I take. He even drew it for me, which I didn’t try to fight given my muscles are incredibly sore from the encounter with Robert.
As I lie in the cocoon of bubbles, inhaling jasmine and chamomile, I can’t help but wonder what brings a man to snap the way Robert did? What trigger is in place to take a seemingly normal man and break him? For Aidan it was love and loss, but even when he was at his lowest, and lost to his anger, he didn’t hurt anyone. Or did he?
He wanted Maria much in the same way Robert wanted me. When he couldn’t have her, he sought revenge just as Robert did. People were not only hurt, they lost their lives. The tears I don’t want to be there pool in my eyes and I don’t want them to fall but there’s nothing I can do to stop them.
Essentially I’m in love with a man who carries the same sickness in him that Robert does. The water feels like it’s boiling as my emotions choke me and I begin to sob. I should have stayed away. Aidan warned me to stay away even, but I couldn’t. Why?
Why couldn’t I listen?
While I breathe through the anxiety, my thoughts focus on a woman I never met but feel an undeniable connection to. I suddenly see and feel the difference between a man like Aidan and a man like Robert.
The desire Aidan felt was reciprocated by the object of his affections. His needs were about trying to protect a woman who had already given him her heart. He wasn’t seeking to take it from her to fulfill a fantasy.
Their love was real as our love is real and that’s why I refused to listen. Because every time I look into his eyes, I see his heart. With overwhelming clarity, I understand who Aidan is and why he feels like such a failure. Only he’s isn’t because he tried. He tried to do the right thing, not only with Maria but with his family and with me.
He tried to be strong for too long and the choices he made he thinks were wrong, but I think only time will tell for sure. I don’t know what our fate is or who decides it, but I like to believe things happen to us for a reason.
Maybe Maria was always meant to leave life early. I feel like her meeting Aidan was about finding someone who needed a gift so she could leave her precious son with someone who needed a blessing. And Maybe Aidan needed to love and lose because he needed to grow before he could love me. None of us know for sure why such horrible things happen or how a man can snap, but there are reasons.
Accepting those reasons and rolling with what life gives us is how we move on and live happily. Aidan’s regret will always be with him and there may be times I don’t like who that makes him, but I’ll always love him. His regret makes him who is, every fault, his weaknesses, his heart and soul are a part of me. The best parts.
It’s been a little over a month since I came to terms with the only way to keep Peyton was to let go of Maria. Not that I’ll forget her or that I’ll ever stop loving her. It was releasing the blame I’d let chain me down that finally allowed me to fully give myself to Peyton. Things between us aren’t perfect. There are hiccups, but only minor ones that are usually resolved with a slap upside the head.
And that would be my stubborn, clueless head.
For the most part, we live typical, boring lives. Work, family dinners, soccer—normal family monotony and it’s fucking paradise. I never thrived in chaos, and now that it’s gone, I’m soaring.
Dellisen is out of our life for the long haul. He violated his probation and the restraining order. Strange since he was weeks shy of his time being up. Combine that with kidnapping and a slew of other charges and the judge gave him the maximum. Even with good behavior, it will be at least eight years before he sees the outside of a cell.
