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“The course of true love never did run smooth.” – William Shakespeare
I woke up feeling restless, and looked at the clock. It was a 3:45am and I was wide awake. I still felt an overwhelming need to be with Brent that grew stronger when I realized he was still holding me tightly, his warm breath on my skin. Was he actually right about us? Was sleeping together wrong? I had seen the visions of us together this way with a family, so it was going to happen eventually. Truthfully, I wasn’t convinced it was wrong to want to be with him under stressful circumstances. Was that not a comfort two people who loved each other often shared? Intellectually, I wanted to agree with Brent and all his rational thoughts, but emotionally, I totally disagreed. I wanted him badly and I wanted him right now.
Still wrapped in his embrace, I twisted my body so I was on my side facing him. I gently traced my fingers from his hairline to his jaw and across his soft lips. He stirred and his eyes popped open. His body tensed beneath me. “Claire, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I just couldn’t sleep.” His body relaxed with my response.
We laid there silently wrapped up in each other’s stare. After several minutes he trailed a finger up and down my arm. “I told you why we can’t, Claire,” Brent whispered.
I sighed heavily, realizing how he knew. “Really? You read my thoughts again?”
He smiled crookedly. “You’re upset. I couldn’t help it.”
“I’m upset that you think I only want to have sex because I’m an emotional basket case, and it’s not like that,” I said, trying not to shout.
You’re pouting. That is probably not the best way to convince him you’re ready for this.
My stu
pid subconscious was barking at me.
“I don’t think you’re an emotional basket case,” Brent consoled me. “I think we’ve have been through so much lately. I don’t want us to make love under stressful circumstances because I’m afraid you’ll end up regretting it. It’s going to be your first time, Claire. It should be something you cherish when you look back on it.”
“If it’s with you Brent, of course I’ll cherish it.”
Wait, did he say it was my first time?
My heart felt like it might burst at any moment as I tried to reevaluate his words. He did say your first and not our first. Oh my God, he’s already been with someone.
Of course he has. He’s a twenty year old guy who was pretty sure that you were designed to be with Reese. Did you think he waited hoping your design was wrong, silly girl?
“Shut up,” I shouted at my subconscious.
“What?” Brent asked startled.
Crap!
“What’s wrong, Claire?”
I hung my head and held in the urge to scream and totally freak out.
“It’s nothing,” I mumbled under my breath, praying he would drop it.
He pulled my chin up forcing me to look at him.
“Come on, give it up, Blake.” He smiled that smile that made me want to melt like an ice cream cone on a summer day. I shook my head. No way was I going to ask if he already had sex with someone. It hurt too much to think about and I was pretty sure actual confirmation was more than I was capable of handling.
“You can tell me anything, Claire,” he urged, his expression now serious as he registered how upset I was.
“Look, it’s nothing, seriously. So drop it,” I said, reciting a random tune in my head, hoping to keep him from reading my thoughts.
“You’re a really bad liar, Claire. Tell me what it is before I assume it’s something really serious.” His voice was so persuasive and so hard to resists. “Trust, right?”
I groaned. He was playing that card. He yammered back at me in frustration and begged me with his eyes to talk to him, which made me more upset. His changing expression alerted me that the tune in my head did nothing to hide my thoughts from him, and I was suddenly so uncomfortable. Damn him. I was going to have to do a better job of controlling my thoughts around him. He laughed and threw his arms around me, pulling me close.
“Oh my God, Claire, it’s so not what you’re thinking, just a bad choice of words on my part. I have not shared anything even close to sex with anyone else.”
I instantly felt relief and I grinned sheepishly. Not that it would have changed anything if he had, but it thrilled me knowing that he was mine in every way.
