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Dec laughed. “A feminist at, what, age ten?”
“Seven,” Annie said, laughing with him, “but that’s how I was raised.” Her expression grew serious. “My parents wanted changes in Qaram. The country was eager to embrace technology, but it was difficult to move cultural attitudes forward. That was part of the reason I decided to take a graduate degree in computer studies. I’d already studied engineering. Computers seemed a good next step.”
Dec gave a soft whistle. “I’m impressed.”
“So was my uncle.” A muscle in her jaw tightened. “Although that’s not the right way to put it. He thought my parents were making a terrible mistake. As far as he was concerned, the old ways were sacrosanct. No education for girls beyond what Americans would call the eighth grade. No women in the professions. He and my father argued over my father’s plans for Qaram and over my plans for my future.”
“But your father was king.”
Annie nodded. “And he was determined. He established an advisory governing council. At first they rubber-stamped whatever he said, but he worked hard and with the support of a trusted appointee to that council, the members began to speak up, to offer opinions of their own.” She paused. “And then—and then, my father and mother died in a plane crash.”
Her voice wobbled.
Dec drew her head to his shoulder. He rocked her gently in his arms. felt her hot tears on his neck.
“Anoushka. If it hurts too much to talk about this—”
She sat up straight and wiped her hands over her eyes. “They died, and the council member who was my father’s oldest friend warned me not to come home. He said—he said it was possible my parents had been murdered, and that he feared for my life if I returned to Qaram, even for the funeral. I’d registered at school as Anne Stanton to avoid publicity. He told me to truly become Anne Stanton and forget I’d ever been a woman named Anoushka.”
Another steadying breath, and then she told Declan the rest.
How she’d had to mourn the loss of her parents alone.
How she’d lived in fear of being found.
How she’d resigned herself to despair and solitude.
“And then I met you,” she said softly, “and everything changed.”
Declan cupped the back of her head and brought his mouth to hers.
“You were all I’d ever dreamed of,” Annie whispered. “Strong. Tender. You cared about people, about your friends…” She smiled and put her hand against his cheek. “You cared about me.”
Dec turned his face into her hand and kissed her palm.
“I think I fell in love with you that first day on the beach,” he said. “I’d never known a woman like you. Sweet and beautiful, kind and generous…” He returned her smile. “And smart. So smart you scared me.”
Annie laughed. “It was the same for me. I thought, how did I get so lucky?” Her smile tilted. “Declan? I knew you wanted more. Sex, I mean.”
“Honey. You were so innocent. I wanted you—but I couldn’t bring myself to rush you.” His mouth twisted. “It never occurred to me that remaining a virgin was part of your—”
“That wasn’t why I never slept with you, Declan.” She swallowed hard. “I wanted to. I wanted to, desperately. But you were so good, so honest—and all the time, I was lying to you. Maybe it sounds crazy, but the thought of giving myself to you without also telling you the truth about me seemed—it seemed obscene.” Annie paused. “That was when I realized I had to break things off between us.”
“What I don’t get is why you didn’t confide in me. Didn’t you trust me enough to tell me who you were and what had happened to you?”
She gave another of those soft, sad laughs.
“I trusted you with all my heart—and that was the problem. My uncle had taken over Qaram. In the blink of an eye, our two countries had become alienated. You’re a warrior, Declan. A man of honor and duty. I’m the niece—the titled niece—of a man well on his way to becoming your country’s enemy. I knew you wouldn’t hide that from your superior officers, that you’d tell them about our relationship, and then what? Would they still let you serve your country or would they see that as the end of your career? And if it was—if it was, how could you possibly go on caring for me?”
Declan gathered her hard against him. He held her for long moments, loving the feel of her in his arms, loving her courage—and knowing she was right. Once his superiors knew about her, it probably would have meant his career in Special Ops—in the military—was over.
She’d sacrificed herself for him rather than let him sacrifice himself for her, because he would have given up everything to be with her.
That was how it was when you loved a woman the way he loved his Annie.
And—and—
A knot formed in his belly.
