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“You love watching the pleasure of others. Even now. Admit it. Watching Nairobia with your husband has, oddly, turned you on, hasn’t it? And that frightens you, doesn’t it?”
Krista shook her head. “No.”
“You’re afraid of standing in your own truth. When you had your ear pressed to the bathroom door, eavesdropping on Mr. Woods fucking LaLani, you felt it. The heat, didn’t you?”
Krista blinked. “I-I . . .”
“Scrambled back to your seat with the walls of your vagina pulsing.”
Embarrassment washed over Krista’s face. “I-I—”
“Found yourself dangerously aroused when you found shelter from the storm and walked in on an orgy. You stayed. You watched.”
Krista felt her knees buckling. “I did no such thing. I only stayed until the lighting stopped.”
“And yet you left there wet—and not from the storm. It’s okay. Admit it, Mrs. Evans. Voyeurism is one of erotica’s many sexual pleasures.”
“Lies. Sexual intercourse should only be within the confines of a God or—”
“Let me stop you right there,” Dr. Dangerfield said, putting a finger up. “Do not go scripture on me. Scripture never says what a married couple can or can’t do sexually. What it does say is that you should both faithfully submit to one another—anything you do in the context of your marriage is not immoral. Last I checked, you and your husband were of one flesh; isn’t that what the Bible says? So do not go there with me. Satan tempts the flesh when it is being denied.”
Krista blinked. She opened her mouth with the intent of reciting a verse out of either Hebrew or Corinthians, but Dr. Dangerfield shut her down.
“Being a saved woman, a Born-Again Christian—or whatever it is you are calling yourself, does not mean that you close your mind to pleasing your spouse. You can be both. A Christian woman serving the Lord and a sexually liberated woman pleasing her husband.” Dr. Dangerfield tilted her head. “Shall I reference to the King James Version for you?”
Krista’s mouth curved into a frown. “Don’t you dare stand here and try to twist scriptures for your sick perversions. I’ve been nothing but a good wife to Kendall. And I have kept him well sexed. And if that hasn’t been enough for him, then sadly, I am not the woman for him.”
Dr. Dangerfield gave her a look, one fi
lled with pity. “But you could be, Mrs. Evans. You have the ability to become everything that your husband needs—and still be you, Krista the good wife, Krista the churchgoer.”
“Are you criticizing me?”
Dr. Dangerfield glanced down at her clenched fist. “If that’s how you take it . . .” She paused, shaking her head. “It’s too bad you haven’t been an open-minded lover, where pleasing your husband is concerned. Now, you’re here—on the outside looking in, stuck in what I am sure is your own version of hell.”
“Bitch, how dare you judge me,” Krista spat. “Ungodly sex is wrong. It is a grievous sin. And I will not bend on that.”
“No, Mrs. Evans. What has been a grievous sin—as you call it, is your unwillingness to open your heart and mind to new sexual experiences—with your husband. Yes, God allows you the freedom to set boundaries and decide what is right and wrong in the context of your marriage. But, Mrs. Evans, the fact that you find everything wrong is, quite frankly, disturbing. And, sadly, it is your narrow-minded ideology about sex and religion that will have you leaving this island alone.”
Krista breathed in. Once, twice. She needed to gather herself, her thoughts. She needed to maintain her composure, to at least give some illusion that Dr. Dangerfield hadn’t completely destroyed her with nothing more than her words.
Slap.
Krista heard it in her head. In her mind’s eye, Krista saw the palm of her hand going across Dr. Dangerfield’s face. Oh how she wanted to slap her. She clenched her hands into two tight fists. Then opened them, stretching out her fingers.
“I can’t wait to get the hell off this island and away from the likes of you,” Krista managed to say despite her gritted teeth.
Dr. Dangerfield smiled. “Then you should get packing.” She walked to the door and then swung it open. “Arrangements will be made to get you back to your uneventful life. I’ll keep you in my prayers.”
Fifty
Guilt . . .
It was a belaboring feeling. Guilt occurred when someone violated his or her own moral code or standards of behavior (cheating, lying, stealing, purposefully hurting someone). It enslaved you. Weighed you down. It victimized relationships.
And Dr. Dangerfield oftentimes likened the potentially destructive emotion to cancer. If not dealt with, if not cut out, it could slowly spread through other parts of a relationship. It slowly eroded seemingly trusting relationships. Ate away at the core of one’s own psyche and opened the door to self-destructive, self-sabotaging behaviors.
And, no matter how many times you tried to ignore it, no matter how many times you tried to deny it, no how many times you tried to will it away—over time, guilt had a way of rearing its ugly head and coming back to haunt you.
