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Dr. Dangerfield kept her eye trained on LaQuandra, while Isaiah sat silent, the both of them watching her, waiting.
LaQuandra drew in a breath and considered. What is love to me?
The hell if she knew anymore.
All she knew was, she wanted Isaiah to want her, to have naughty thoughts of her. She wanted her marriage. And she wanted her man.
Because he was the best thing that had ever happened to her.
Because she accepted him for the man he was, flaws and all.
Because—more importantly, if she were going to be completely honest with herself—she didn’t want to lose him to that bitch, Cassandra, or make it any easier than Isaiah had already made it for her to sink her cruddy acrylics into him.
“The heart wants what
it wants,” she heard Dr. Dangerfield saying, and she nearly rolled her eyes up in her head.
She replayed the question in her head: What’s love to me?
“I . . .” LaQuandra swallowed, overwhelmed with emotions—anger, confusion, fear, love. She felt like her heart was being crushed in someone’s fist.
Isaiah was her everything, her entire world.
She loved him desperately. Maybe that was the goddamn problem. She loved him more than she loved herself.
God. What the hell was wrong with this picture?
And what the hell was wrong with her?
She dreaded her answer.
“I don’t know,” LaQuandra finally responded. “I spent the first part of my life not knowing what love felt like. And then, as I became a woman and met Isaiah, I thought I had finally figured it out. Thought I knew exactly what it was.” LaQuandra looked over at Isaiah, and felt her mouth go dry as she tried to control the beat of her heart. She was hurt, plain and simple.
Isaiah met her eyes, but said nothing. He felt beads of sweat glide down the center of his back, though, and his hands went clammy.
Dr. Dangerfield gently said, “LaQuandra, why don’t you share what you’re feeling right now with your husband. Look at him and tell him how the lack of intimacy in your marriage has affected you.”
Isaiah shifted in his seat, unsure if he really wanted to know. He wasn’t beat for a lot of talking, or listening to it. And yet he knew he owed it, his ear, to her.
Isaiah calmly said, “I’m listening.”
LaQuandra tsked. “Oh really? Now you’re going to listen? Why weren’t you listening when—?”
Dr. Dangerfield cut her off. “LaQuandra, let’s stay in the here and now. You have your husband’s ear and his attention now, so talk to him.”
LaQuandra felt her nostrils flaring. “Why don’t you fuck me, huh, Isaiah?” The word fuck came out harsh and dirty. That was what she wanted. To be fucked, hard and dirty by him, fucked in the same way she knew he fucked Cassandra. Obviously, the slutty-bitch was a good fuck for him to keep running back to her.
She shifted her body, so that she was turned in Isaiah’s direction. “Why do I have to practically beg you, just to suck your goddamn dick?” she continued. She bit her lip to keep it from quivering. “Did you stop fucking me, so you could have an excuse to go over and fuck Cassandra whenever that whore spread her legs open to you?”
Isaiah scowled. “Why do you have to always call her names, LaQuandra? She’s the mother of my child.”
LaQuandra huffed. “And she’s still a goddamn whore.”
Isaiah shook his head and then looked over at Dr. Dangerfield. “You see what I have to put up with? This shit?”
“Oh really, Isaiah?” LaQuandra snapped incredulously. The fucking nerve of him! “What about all the shit I’ve been putting up with, huh? After everything that bitch put me through, disrespecting me. Coming to my job and attacking me, and you still take up for that ignorant, ghetto-ass bitch!” LaQuandra looked over at Dr. Dangerfield. “And you see he still didn’t answer the question, right?”
Dr. Dangerfield decided to stay quiet and see how things played out between the two of them. The couple clearly had different communication styles. LaQuandra yelled and cursed. And Isaiah withdrew and became silent. Neither ever heard the other. But Dr. Dangerfield decided to wait it out. She wouldn’t play referee. And she wasn’t going to hold up a scorecard as to who raised the most valid points. But she would address them both as needed.
