AllFreeNovel
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“Bitch, I wear these heels to cut grass in. I wouldn’t be caught dead wearin’ these out in the streets.”
She twists her lips up. “O-M-G, who the hell cuts grass in kitten heels?”
“I do, boo. Now what?” I catch Knutz eyein’ my sexy toes. I frown. “Illllll, niggah, get up off my toes.”
He laughs. “Yo, Cass. Why you so fuckin’ mean?”
I tilt my head. “Umm, why you so triflin’? And who you snatch this bike from? ’Cause I know the shit’s stolen.”
He removes his jacket, drapes it over the handlebars, then folds his arms across his hard chest, flexin’ his bulgin’ muscles and showin’ off his jailhouse tats.
Lina huffs, slammin’ her clutch against her leg and her right hand up on her hip. “Look, bitch . . . don’t be tryna get it crunked wit’ my boo. We had a good damn day and I ain’t tryna have you ruin it, tryna be messy. We done ate a delicious meal down at Je’s, rode around downtown, and now we on our way back home for dessert.”
All this with ya ass stuffed in a wire basket on a stolen bike? This bitch talkin’ like the niggah done took her ass to a five-star restaurant or some shit. Yeah, Je’s is a real cute lil’ soul food spot over on Halsey Street, but the shit ain’t fine dinin’. I mean, really. If the niggah was gonna do it up he shoulda took her ass to The Cheesecake Factory or some place classy like that. Mmmph.
“How romantic,” I say
sarcastically. “Now why are you here?”
“Uhhh, hello. You tossed ya daughter out, remember? And I’m here to pick up some things for Asia since you won’t let her come back home, where she belongs. So don’t start no shit. But, anyway . . . and why you got all that stuff out at the curb?”
I roll my eyes. Dickalina could be a fly-ass bitch if she stopped bein’ so damn ghetto and cleaned herself up. Got rid of all that cheap shit she wears and threw on a lil’ lip gloss instead of slatherin’ her lips with a buncha Vaseline, lookin’ like she been suckin’ on fried drumsticks.
“You right,” I say, standin’ up, then turnin’ around and walkin up the stairs. I can feel Knutz’s eyes all up on my ass. “She’s not comin’ back up in here. I’ll be right out with her things.”
“Well, hurry up,” Lina says, snappin’ her fingers when Foxy Brown’s “B.K. Anthem” starts playin’ outta them lil’-ass speakers. “Owwwwl, this my shit right here. Turn that up, boo.” Knutz raises the volume on his rigged up stereo. I glance over my shower and peep Lina hoppin’ ’n bouncin’. She drops down, pops up, then does the Tootsie Roll. Elijah and Isaiah start laughin’. I hurry in the house to get Day’Asia’s shit so I can send this late ’n wrong ho and her dusty-ass man on their way.
A few minutes later, I come back out carryin’ four ShopRite grocery bags stuffed with old shit, along with the two Ziploc baggies sealed with her bloody drawers. The bitch turned her back on me, so now she gets the bare minimum. And she’s lucky I’m bein’ nice enough to give her this shit. When Beulah put me out with Darius and Jah’Mel all I had where the clothes on my back. That hateful bitch didn’t let me take shit, other than my babies’ pampers, bottles and clothes.
“Here you go, boo,” I say, handin’ Lina the bags.
She takes the bags, then peeks inside. She frowns. “For real, Cass? You gonna put her things in grocery bags? You mean to tell me you don’t have a damn trashbag to put her stuff in.”
“Bitch, boom! I’m not usin’ my good trashbags to put her shit in. Take her them grocery bags. And be on ya way.”
She pulls out one of the Ziploc bags. “Ohmygod, what the fuck is this?”
“Her bloody, stained drawers. The bitch’s nasty. But she’s yo’ headache now.”
She blinks. “Oh, no, bitch, I can’t have this. I can’t have no ho who keeps her drawers dirty stayin’ with me. It’s bad enough I gotta wash out Knutz’s boxers when he stains his. And I told you she can’t stay long. I still have Knutz’s nephew stayin’ wit’ us.”
I frown. Ugh! “Well, let’s hope they ain’t in there fuckin’ him ’cause Day’Asia’s ass likes to fuck.” I shoot a look over at Knutz who seems all ears ’n shit. “And niggah, if you even think it, yo’ shit’s gettin’ sliced off.”
“Yo, I ain’t into lil-ass girls. So go ’head wit’ that shit. I like ’em young, but not jailhouse young.”
Dickalina shoots him a look. “Niggah, what is you sayin’? What young pussy is you sniffin’ around?”
I scream at Isaiah and Elijah. Tell them to take their nosey-asses in the house before I whoop the shit outta ’em. I slip my heels off, then walk over to beat ’em both upside the head with ’em. They take off runnin’ around the back of the house, laughin’.
I keep from laughin’ myself. These two clown-asses. “Niggahs, ain’t shit funny. Y’all get ya black asses washed up, then put some clean clothes on so we can go out.” I decide I’m takin’ ’em out to eat, then to the movies to see the new Madea movie.
Lina’s ass is still arguin’ with Knutz. “Niggah, let me catch you wit’ some other bitch and I’ma tear her ass up, then I’ma stab you for real this time. The last time I only cut you, but this time I’ma stab you up good. And I mean it, Knutz. I ain’t playin’ wit’ ya black ass.”
He sucks his teeth. “See now. We was havin’ a good time. Now you wanna beef.”
“Well, you had no goddamn bidness sayin’ that shit about you likin’ young girls to Cass and I’m standin’ right here. You know how embarrassin’ that was?”
“I know, babe,” he says, pullin’ her into him. “I ain’t mean no harm. You know I was only poppin’ shit. I ain’t thinkin’ about them young hoes.” She tries to smack him with her clutch. He grabs her arm. “Stop. You know you da only one for me.”
