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“Da’Quan?”
“I’m here. Ma, you talkin’ like you know sumthin’ is gonna pop off. What’s good? Is there sumthin’ you ain’t sayin’?”
“No. All I’m sayin’ is, that I wanna be prepared. You got me thinkin’, that’s all. Shit, I know I live on the edge. Big Boo . . . I mean, ya momma likes to have a good damn time. And I ain’t ’bout to change who I am for no one. That’s not to say that I might not cut back on the drinks or goin’ down to The Crack House. But I ain’t about to stop poppin’ ’n droppin’ it from time to time. Shit, haters gonna be haters whether I’m out or not. So fuck ’em, boo. But if somethin’ does ever happen to me, then I want you to be prepared. Darius and Jah will probably start wildin’, but you’ll make sure shit gets handled. I wanna make sure you know how’ta lay me out right.”
He sighs. “Ma, I ain’t tryna hear all this right now.”
“No, niggah, you gonna hear it. You the one always worryin’ about somethin’ happenin’ to me so you need to be the one to hear it. When Beulah died ain’t nobody tell me shit about layin’ her out. I just tossed her ass in a box, then went on my merry way. But I don’t wanna be buried like that. I want you to do me right, goddammit. You hear me?”
“Yeah.”
“And I don’t wanna buncha tears ’n shit, either.” I tell him I want my casket carried in one of them glass hearse carriages pulled by two white horses. And I want him to have a big block party in the hood and have Chunky and Slick deejay. “I want them to play all of my Crack House classics and I want Big Mike to work the drinks. And make sure he makes a special drink in my honor. Big Booty. I want e’eryone at my funeral drinkin’ me, goddammit.”
“Aiight, Ma,” he says, soundin’ uncomfortable hearin’ all this. Oh, well. He’s the one who got it crunked. “You done?” I tell his ass no. Tell him I don’t wanna be in my casket on my back, face up. That I wanna be on my stomach, ass up.
“I want my ass the only thing niggahs ’n bitches see when they walk by to pay their respects. And I wanna sign that reads, Eat my Phat Ass carved in black marble.”
He cracks up laughin’.
“Boo, I ain’t laughin’. This shit ain’t funny. You need to be writin’ this shit down. Do me right, Da’Quan, or I’ma haunt ya black ass for the rest of ya life. And you know I will.”
“Aiight, aiight, Ma. Enough already. You made ya point. I got you.”
“Mmmph. Well, I’m makin’ sure. Niggahs don’t wanna talk about this kinda shit ’til it’s too late. I want you ready, boo.” I tell him where I keep my hidden stash. Then I tell him about the million-dollar insurance policy I have. The one I pay on every month, faithfully. I take good goddam care of my kids while I’m alive. And I want them taken care of if somethin’ happens to me. “But you make sure you put the twins money in one of them trust-thingys ’cause them lil’niggahs might drink and smoke they shit up or be out trickin’ my money up at the titty bars.”
He keeps crackin’ up. “Yo, Ma, you wildin’, for real.”
“I ain’t laughin’. And I only want Day’Asia’s ass to get five-hundred dollars a month allowance. That ho gonna need to learn how to get out there and make her own paper ’cause I ain’t about to sponsor no triflin’-ass broad. She don’t respect the power of a dollar. And she don’t get shit if her ass flunks outta school. I def ain’t sponsorin’ no retarded bitch who’s too dumb to at least finish high school.”
“Ma, aiight. You done?”
“No. One more thing.”
“What?”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too, Ma.”
“Niggah, I know you do. But don’t have me fuck you up.”
He laughs. Makes sure I’m definitely comin’ to see him in two weeks. I promise him I am. And I will. We disconnect. And this time when I pull in a deep breath, I ain’t feelin’ so heavy in my chest. I exhale. No matter what might or might not pop off, Big Booty done lived a good life, goddammit. I done had me some damn good dingaling, been fucked deep in my ass, and have squirted out some damn good pussy cream. I ain’t got shit to complain about.
I reach for my cell and call Darius. I ain’t surprised when he doesn’t answer. That niggah’s stubborn like that. I don’t know where he got that shit from, but it ain’t cute. I leave a message. “Boo, I know you still pissed at me. But I’m ya mom and we been through too much together, so I know you ain’t gonna stay mad at me forever. I love you, niggah-boo. Call me when you ready to talk. And tell that bald-headed bitch of yours I’ma fuck her up ’cause I know she’s the one who got you iggin’ ya calls from me this damn long. I promise you. I’ma tear her ass up, Darius. I mean it, goddammit. I’ma do her face in real good. Call me, boo.”
>
I hang up, then call back. “Okay, niggah. I’ma keep it classy and apologize for jumpin’ on yo’ ass like that. But you ain’t have no goddamn business jumpin’ in me and Day’Asia’s fight like that. And you ain’t have no business punchin’ her out like she was some niggah on the street. You her brotha, you not ever supposed to put ya hands on her like that. I’m the one who pushed her outta my cootie-coo so if I kill her or beat her ass into the ground, then that’s on me. I can ’cause she’s my child. Anyway, if you don’t call, then you don’t. Shit, I ain’t gonna be holdin’ my breath for ya black ass to do me right. But you know I love you. Always have, always will, niggah.”
I disconnect, then head into the kitchen to get dinner started.
Forty-Two
“Heeeey, Miss Pasha, girl,” I say, walkin’ toward her workstation. Thankfully, it’s a not too crowded up in here. She has one of her regulars sittin’ up in the chair. I ain’t seen her since the weddin’ either. But I can’t think of her name right now. I only know her from here but, every time I see her, she’s always lookin’ cute in her wears. “You think you can squeeze me in today? I need to be done up right for this school meetin’ tomorrow.”
Miss Pasha is servin’ me hair and face. She done tapered the back and sides of her hair real close and has the front swept across her forehead and the ends are pointed to perfection. She has her luscious lips coated in pink lipstick and has her long lashes thick ’n curled. Oooh, she’s doin’ me good. Now I ain’t no pussy licker, but Miss Pasha could get this ass plopped up on her forehead while she workin’ them lips all over my pussy. Mmmph.
“I have two cancellations,” she says, turnin’ Miss Cute around in her chair. “So if you can hang around I can take you as soon as I finish up with my next client.”
