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Oh, now this ho’s shook. I got the bitch practically in tears. And. I. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck! This bitch done cranked on the ghetto switch. And I’m ready to light it up.
When the store manager comes over, she eyes me and I eye her back. She’s Cover Girl ready. Face beat to the seams. Hair pressed and parted in a sleek snatchback. Huge diamond studs in her lobes, icy rock on her hand. Oh, she’s done up right. “Ma’am, what seems to be the problem here?”
“Boo, the problem here is this Casper bitch, tossin’ my change down on the counter, like I’m trash. I’ve dropped six grand up in this motherfuckin’ mall today, okay. Ain’t shit trashy about me and I don’t appreciate her tryna do me.” I slam my tote up on the counter. “I feel like smashin’ these goddamn perfume bottles in her face.”
“Ma’am, please. Lower your voice. There’s no need to make a scene, or make threats of violence.”
“Bitch, I ain’t bein’ violent. And I ain’t makin’ threats. I’m tellin’ you what I feel like doin’ to that ho. I came up in here in good goddamn spirits until this bitch tried to do me.” Miss Manager apologizes and sends Pasty Face on. I eye her as she scurries from around the counter like a damn roach.
I should chase that bitch down and stomp her out. I decide to keep it classy.
Six security officers make their way over to the counter. I eye them. And they eye me back. “What the fuck y’all lookin’ at?”
“Ma’am,” one of them says to me, “we’re gonna need to ask you to leave the store.”
“Bitch, I ain’t leavin’ to go no-goddamn-where.” I hold out my hand. “I want my goddamn money in my hand. And I want service with a motherfuckin’ smile or you Robocops better call in for back up ’cause I’ma turn motherfuckin’ Bloomingdale’s out today.”
Miss Manager quickly gathers up my change, then counts it out in my hand. I pull open my bag, then toss the money in. “See, all that bitch had to do was do me right, goddammit, and I woulda been on my merry way.”
I gather my shoppin’ bags, then get escorted outta the store by security. As soon as I get to the mall entrance, I tell ’em all to eat the inside of my ass. And I slap it for emphasis. See. They better be glad I’m not tryna get charged with lewdness today. Otherwise, I would drop these jeans, peel down this red thong I have on, then bend over and pull open these fluffy asscheeks for ’em.
I strut through the mall, ass bouncin’, titties poppin’, finally makin’ my way to Macy’s when I spot this tall, sexy, dark chocolate niggah pushin’ a stroller with one hand and holdin’ two shoppin’ bags with his other. He stops in front of Bare Escentuals—a high-end skincare store, obviously waitin’ for someone.
I blink when I realize who it is.
“Hey, boo,” I say when I walk up on him. “Weren’t you in Jasper’s weddin’?”
He eyes me. “Yeah,” he says in his deep, panty-wettin’ voice. “I was his best man.”
“I knew you looked familiar to me. I was there wrapped in a white dress, stealin’ the show from Miss Pasha.”
He laughs. “Oh, right, right. I remember you now.”
Of course you do, niggah. I ask him his name. He tells me Dez. I take every inch of his dark-chocolately self in, wonderin’ what that dingaling looks like naked and how it would feel stuffed in my ass.
I open my mouth to say somethin’ else when the chick he’s waitin’ for comes outta the store with a bag in her hand. I ain’t gonna front on boo-thang. The bitch is fly. Hair did, nails did. Footwear, handbag, and jewels on point. “Baby . . . . ” She pauses as she looks over at me.
Sexy Chocolate reaches for the bag in her hand. “Babe, she was at Pasha and Jasper’s wedding.?
??
She eyes me and smiles. “Oh, hi.”
“Oooh, Miss Sugah-boo, your ears musta been ringin’ ’cause me and Miss FeFe . . . I mean Felicia, were just talkin’ about you and ya sisters last week when I went into the salon.”
She blinks. “Oh?”
“Chile, I asked her how her messy cousins were doin’ from the weddin’. And Miss FeFe gave me the filth on y’all.”
She blinks again.
“And who do I run into, but you. It’s a small damn world for sure. Oooh, I’m so glad you got your man back, boo.” I eye him again, then peek down into the carriage at the lil’ chocolate baby all dressed in blue. “Y’all look damn good together. And the baby is just as cute as he wanna be. And, girrrrl, judgin’ by that rock on your hand somebody is keepin’ her man very happy. But, I hope you keepin’ ya eyes on that messy sister of yours, and keepin’ her scandalous ass away from him ’cause Big Daddy is sexy, boo. And she done already had her hot pussy smeared all up on him.”
I peep the niggah tryin’ not to grin as she reaches for his hand. “Thanks. Well, you take care,” she says, tryna hurry up away from me like I done said somethin’ to hurt her feelin’s.
“You, too, boo. And remember what I said. Keep that messy ho away from ya man. She fucked him once, she’ll fuck him again.” The bitch dips without sayin’ another word. Mmmph, what the fuck is her problem? I think, headin’ toward Macy’s to do the rest of my shoppin’. I can’t stand a sensitive bitch.
Two hours later, I’m finally walkin’ up outta the mall, loaded down with bags. My cell rings. I stop and fish it outta my tote, then glance at the screen. It’s Dickalina. “Yes,” I answer, walkin’ toward the parkin’ garage.
