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“If not every day, then at least three, four, times a week. And all weekend long. I like to throw head parties.” I blink. Ask her what that entails. She smacks and chews in my ear. “Oh, it’s where I rent a room ‘n’ invite like five to ten niggahs to come through ‘n’ we drink ‘n’ smoke, then I give ’em all the business.”
Goddam! This freaky broad’s sucking dick all willy-nilly. “Oh, word? Aiight, aiight. You the neighborhood cock-washer then.”
She smacks in my ear again. “Somethin’ like that. I just love suckin’ di—bleep.”
“You swallow?”
“Swallow?” she says indignantly as if I’ve offended her. “I’m a guzzler. Don’t get it twisted, bae. I’ma guzzler, baby. And what?”
“Then suck on, suck on, ma-ma. Just know you can’t draw a pension down on ya knees. Next caller. You’re on the air with ya boy, MarSell.”
“Yeah, this is Trixie, from Hillside.”
“Oh, aiight. What’s good, Trixie. You givin’ head, baby?”
She sucks her teeth. “No. I’m not doin’ none’a that nasty shit. And all y’all hoes out there drankin’ ‘n’ sloshin’ watermelon all around in your filthy mouths are all a buncha nasty-asses. Ratchet-ass tramps. Dic—bleep—suckin’ tricks. I hope you nasty bitches get throat cancer. All of you nasty whores going to hell in a gasoline hand basket.”
“Whoa, whoa…slow down, mami. Yo, you gotta man?”
“Yeah, why?” she says defensively. I ask her how long they’ve been rocking. She says three months. “What my man got to do with all them nasty dic—bleep—suckin’ hoes out there? He ain’t goin’ nowhere.”
“Oh, you think? Well, good luck with that,” I say, rolling my eyes and shaking my head. It’s mind-boggling how there are many whack muhfuckas out there who still don’t/won’t suck dick or eat pussy. “Know this Trixie, baby. If you plan on keepin’ him, you had better learn to do some tongue tricks ’cause if you ain’t toppin’ him off, he’s eventually gonna be out getting it somewhere else. A wet mouth is a wet mouth. And you better hope it’s with another chick. Be well.”
I hang up.
“Yo, my freaky peeps, I’ma say this. Lonely has a face ‘n’ it’s a chick who ain’t suckin’ a dic—bleep. Next caller. You’re on the air.”
“This is Wanda from Jersey City. I don’t know where you’re getting your callers from, but they definitely can’t be black.” I frown. Ask her why she says that. “Because no real black woman is sucking no dic—bleep all willy-nilly and reckless like that. I’m sorry. I don’t know not one black woman who loves giving head like that or who just goes around putting her mouth on some random man’s penis.”
“Well, baby. Dingaling sucking is real. Sorry to hear you’re not surrounded by head doctors. Or maybe you are but they do what they do ‘n’ just ain’t telling you because they know how judgmental you are.”
“I’m not judgmental. Trust. I just know that black women don’t suck unless they’re getting something out of it.”
“Oh, but they are. They’re getting a hot juicy nut. But thanks for the Public Service Announcement, baby. Let’s keep hope alive. Next caller, you’re on the air…”
“Hi, boo. My name is Sabrina, from Irvington.”
“What’s good, Sabrina from Irvington…please tell me, you puttin’ in that throat work?”
“All day every day, boo. My man stays sucked. And I’m a proud black sistah who loves cock ‘n’ cum. Mmph. You don’t know? You betta ask somebody. Them uptight bitches who ain’t sucking need to get up off them pedestals ‘n’ drop down on them knees ‘n’ get their bobble on. Sucking dic—bleep does the body good!”
I chuckle. “I heard that, baby. So tell us. What is it about puttin’ in that mouth work that turns you on?”
She moans. “Mmm. Everything about it turns me on. The way it tastes. The way it stretches in my mouth ‘n’ hits the back of my throat. I swear I love sucking my man. It ain’t even gotta be hard. If I see it, my mouth automatically starts watering. My man is real freaky like me. He loves his balls ‘n’ ass licked, too. And, trust. I do it all for my man. If I don’t satisfy him, somebody else will. And ain’t no other ho getting up on my man’s dic—bleep. All I’ma say is, I’m in love with making him come. It gets me soaked every time. And that hot, gooey nut oozing down my horny throat.” She makes smacking sounds as if she’s licking her fingers. “Hmph, hmph, hmmph. My man’s baby batter is finger-licking good, boo. Right down to the last hot drop.”
I press my legs shut, licking my lips. “Yo, I heard that. That’s what it is. Sounds like you know how’ta suck the chrome off a tail pipe. Thanks for sharing, baby. Keep wavin’ that freak flag. Next caller.”
“Lawd God, listen to the hooligan from Brownsville!” my next caller cries out in her thick West Indian accent. “No class! She brite to come on radio a chat like some kinda downtown sketel bam. Just pure unattractiveness. She just come sprawl out her likkle black self like ole stinking pussy jezebel mother of harlot, prostitute hog! Lawd God! She mud up fi dat.” Click.
“Alrighty then, ma-ma. Tell us how you really feel. Next caller.”
“Yo, I ain’t no chick. But I suck a mean dic—bleep.”
This dumb muhfucka. I shake my head, leaning up in my seat. I said chicks call in. “Oh, aiigh, aiight. Where you callin’ from, bruh?”
“Yo, this Thug Throat. I bet I can suck a dic—bleep—better than any chick out there. DL masculine freak niggah out in Paterson tryna link up wit’ them DL thug bulls to blow a Dutch wit’ ‘n’ suck da shit outta his dic—bleep—‘n’ lick up on them balls. Yo, you want dat wet sloppy head, come holla at ya boy!”
“Yo, Hol’up, hol’up, Thug Throat. Drop the flag, bruh.” I smirk. “Next time you wanna place an Ad, go hit up Nastyfreaks4u.com, or the classifieds. Next caller.”
