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Instead, she shot to her feet and crossed to the window, hiking it high. She did the same with the screen and braced her hands on the windowsill. Then she leaned out into the milky light of early morning, her hair blowing around her head as she dragged in great gulps of air as if she couldn’t get enough.
Feeling helpless, I moved to stand behind her and kept rubbing her back. “Try times tables,” I suggested, forcing myself to keep my voice even. Seeing her this way was killing me. “I have to break the cycle when I get them. Just do as many as you can. It gives your mind something to focus on other than the physical symptoms and the panic.”
“Okay.” She fumbled for my hand and squeezed my fingers before releasing me. “I’m so glad you’re here.” She sucked in more air. “I still have trouble with my 12s.”
I pulled back her hair and slowly worked my fingers through the silken strands. “They’re hard. Try doing them when you’re trying not to come.”
“I can barely do them now. So, that’s a real thing?”
“You don’t know the trials of having a dick.”
She giggled and bumped her head on the windowsill as she eased back in.
I tugged her into my arms. “Better?”
“Not really. I still feel like I ran a mile. The room was spinning. Stars at the edge of my vision.” She rested her head on my chest. “I think I had a bad dream, but it just spiraled. I woke up and didn’t…didn’t know where I was. Then I didn’t know where you were.”
“I should’ve—”
She leaned up to put her finger against my lips. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I just panicked. Everything crashed down on me at once. All the fear. All the questions. I really, really wanted my mom.”
“We’ll go see them together. Today.”
Thankfully, I’d spent time with her parents a few times before, so the news their daughter was living with me for the foreseeable future at least wouldn’t be coming from a stranger.
I’d also been mulling talking to them about something else. It was completely crazy. I shouldn’t even be thinking what I was considering. At least not yet. But once the idea took hold, I wasn’t able to shake it.
Teagan was everything I’d ever wanted. I’d learned that well enough over the almost two years we’d been close. What sense did it make to wait for some arbitrary time in the future to ask her parents how they felt about us? That didn’t mean I was going to spring the question on Teagan yet. I would wait until it was perfect.
Or until I couldn’t wait anymore.
I’d been patient for so long. Now it seemed like my brain and heart were on overdrive.
She nodded and took a series of long breaths before tipping back her head. “God, I feel so guilty for not telling them yet about the fire. I should have right away. I just couldn’t deal with anything more. They’ll be worried and upset, of course, and my mom would have insisted I stay in my old bedroom, which would be comforting for all the wrong reasons. I have to stand on my own two feet.” Her eyes met mine. “I say that, yet here I am, leaning on you. I always do. And you’re always here.” She shook her head, her eyes filling again. “The moment you’re not, I break apart.”
“I want you to lean on me.” I cupped her cheek. “I lean on you too.”
“How?”
“You make me happy. No matter how dark my memories are, you’re my sunshine.”
I lowered my head and kissed her gently. She was still breathing unevenly, and she wasn’t quite steady on her feet, but I just kissed her until she could breathe on her own again.
In a matter of hours, she’d have to walk into a restaurant to meet with someone who likely wanted to bring her harm. But I would have her back.
I’d gladly lay down my life for hers. Without thought or question.
Until then, I would try to give her a slice of peace.
Slowly, we drew apart. “C’mere. I want to show you something.”
She glanced at the bed. “I’ve already seen it, but I wouldn’t mind seeing it again.”
Not laughing was impossible as I held out my hand. “Something else. And maybe get dressed first. Not that I mind you naked, but we’re not alone here.”
“Unfortunately.” She rose on her tiptoes to brush a kiss over my jaw before pulling on her panties and a bra along with her floaty dress from earlier.
Then she placed her hand in mine so trustingly that my pulse skipped. Such a simple thing that meant so much.
