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Rhys glanced at me, and I nodded. “You’ll always regret it if you don’t see him the minute he’s born.”
He appeared to be mentally giving himself a pep talk. “You’re right.” He then walked around me to stand so far at the top of the bed he was almost against the wall.
I’d watched babies being delivered numerous times on television and in the movies, but nothing could adequately prepare me for being in the moment. Time moved in a strange continuum where it seemed to speed up and slow down at frantic paces. Getting Keira through a contraction seemed to take forever, but then it seemed like she’d just begun to push. I didn’t even glance at the clock to see how long she’d been pushing. Instead, I focused on the baby’s progression. One minute you could faintly see a crowd of dark hair and then he was almost out.
“Okay, one more push, and he’ll be here,” Sandy instructed.
After pinching her eyes shut, Keira’s face contorted in determination. All her muscles tensed as she worked on pushing her son—our son—out into the world. Her grip on my hand tightened, and it felt like all the bones in my hand were going to be crushed. I ended up breathing right on through the contraction with her.
When it was over, my son had entered the world. His first breath came in a hearty cry. It was the most precious sound I’d ever heard. Tears blinded my eyes, but I didn’t let go of Keira or Rhys’s hands to wipe them away. Blinking furiously, I tried to clear them so I could see the baby.
Oh God, he was so perfectly beautiful. Even bloodied from the birth, he was still gorgeous. He had a headful of dark hair that caused me to grin because it was the color of Rhys’s and mine.
A flurry of activity commenced as he was cleaned up and weighed. I momentarily tore my eyes away from the baby to check on Keira. As she rested her head against the pillow, she wore an expression of absolute exhaustion. I couldn’t imagine what she’d been through physically. One day I assumed I would experience it with the payoff for the arduous ordeal being a beautiful baby. But Keira wouldn’t be getting that payoff, and it broke my heart.
With the baby swaddled in a blanket, a nurse started to hand Keira the baby, but she shook her head. “No. He’s theirs.”
Wrenching pain twisted its way through my chest at her words. “Are you sure you don’t just want to hold him for a minute?”
Keira gave me a sad smile. “It’s probably best I don’t.”
Just as the wailing bundle was about to come into my waiting and ready arms, I cried, “Stop!”
The nurse jumped in front of me. “What’s wrong?”
Holding up a hand, I then stared into Keira’s eyes. “It is not too late.” When her brows shot up into her forehead, I said, “I cannot in good conscience take this baby from you if you’re not one hundred percent sure you don’t want to be his mother.”
“Allison,” Rhys said softly by my side.
I turned to look at him. “I’m serious. We can’t take him.”
A heartbreak I’d never seen flashed in Rhys’s eyes. One I felt responsible for inflicting. But it was the truth. We couldn’t possibly take the baby if Keira wasn’t completely sure. I couldn’t live with myself knowing I’d caused her anguish—that I had deprived her of the motherhood she deserved.
With my heart pounding against my breastbone, I turned back to Keira. When tears pooled in her eyes, I feared my knees might buckle, and I’d tumble into the floor. This was the moment I’d feared over the last seven months. The moment we would come so close to parenthood only to have it whisked away from us.
Keira drew in a ragged breath. “I’ll never be one hundred percent sure. But ninety-nine percent of me knows this is the right thing to do for him.”
“But what about the right thing for you?” I asked.
Tears spilled over her cheeks. “It isn’t about me. It’s about him.”
At those words, the dam holding back my emotions broke, and I sobbed openly. Rhys pulled me into his arms and held me tight. I don’t know how long I wept. When I finally came back to myself, the room was quiet—not even the baby was crying anymore.
After easing out of Rhys’s embrace, I glanced over at Keira. “I’m so very sorry I just did that.”
“It’s okay.”
I stepped over to the bedside. “What you just said about it being about him—that’s what a mother would say.” After swiping a tissue, I dabbed my cheeks. “You will always have a place and a part in his life.”
Keira and I were twin waterworks again. When we finally settled down, I noticed Roland had the baby in his arms. “Sorry. Someone had to take him,” he replied at what must’ve been my surprised look.
“It’s okay. I’m glad you held him.?
?
Roland appeared relieved. He then stepped over to me. “Now it’s your turn.” With a smile, he said, “Here you go, Mom.”
“Um, wow…okay.” Even though I’d been preparing for this moment for seven months, I still didn’t think I was ready. The moment the baby was placed in my arms, I would be a mother. There would be no going back. For the rest of my life, he would belong to me. I would be responsible for ensuring he was fed and clothed and brushed his teeth and did his homework. All the thousands of tiny details that mothers oversaw of their children.
