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“You’re not drinking again,” Lila said. “You’re never going to hold on to Chloe if you self-medicate. You know that, right?”
Michael stared at her. “Self-medicate? Is that the California term you’re using now? I didn’t self-medicate. I drank because I needed—”
Not to think.
“It helped me have an even better time. Is that so wrong?”
Ryan cleared his throat again. “Guys, I’m going to take off. See ya in a few.”
“No. You’re an adult and you’re free to make your own choices. But with Chloe’s past with Snake, there is no way in hell she’d be with a man who abused any kind of drug or substance. Trust me, I know. After your father, at the first sign that Nick might be with someone else, I split. He wasn’t, and I jumped the gun. My psyche was sitting on the trigger because of my past.”
“No more Oprah, all right? I get enough of that in my own head.”
Lila’s brows knitted. “Oprah? Hardly. Try Lila Ronson. I’m just saying you’re going to make exactly what you don’t want to happen if you scurry back into a bottle.”
“How do you know what I want to happen?”
“I’ve been with you these past weeks. I’ve seen how you’ve changed. Just because your father threatened you doesn’t mean you have to use a grenade on your life first.”
“What do you mean he threatened me?”
She gripped her iPad until her fingers went white around the knuckles. “You know how Martin operates. He was never going to let you share his money with Chloe. Even if it’s your money by rights, thanks to the trust. That’s just not how he operates.” Briefly, she shut her eyes. “I’m sorry I ever appeared to be siding with him. I was just worried about you. I’m sure Chloe is a lovely girl. We just got off on a wrong foot because of Snake, and because of Nick.” She opened her eyes and stared directly into Michael’s. “Because I was jealous of her.”
Michael tightened his hand around his cup. “You’re admitting it?”
“She said some things to me on the plane ride back from Vegas that struck too close to home. I’ve had time to examine myself and my motivations. Talking to your father helped remind me of who I am—and who I’m not, and don’t ever want to be out of a misguided idea that I could possibly know what’s better for you than you do. I don’t. And even if I still believed I did, I’ve seen you these last weeks, Michael.” She leaned forward and squeezed his wrist. “You’ve been better with her. More yourself, the boy I used to know.” She sat back and sighed. “You were always too sweet. I worried about you.”
He started to argue the sweet label. What man wanted to be labeled sweet when you could be called badass like Malachi would be called? But he wasn’t badass. And drinking too much and being careless with people and possessions wouldn’t make him so.
“I didn’t know I’d want this.” He ground the heel of his hand into the ache in his temple. “I like having a family, L. My own family. How was I supposed to know how good it would feel, when I’d never had one like this before?”
“You weren’t. You couldn’t.” She sat forward and slid her arm around his shoulders. “You have no reason to beat yourself up for that. Your mom and dad and me—we all gave you horrible examples. You did the best you could with what you had available.”
His eyes were so dry that they burned. He’d cried after the phone call with his dad. He’d sat right on the fucking floor and buried his head in his hands, knowing full well he wasn’t going to have enough balls to be honest. The idea of spelling everything out to Chloe and facing the repercussions—fuck, he wasn’t man enough.
Would he ever be man enough to deserve them?
“I don’t want to lose her,” he said hoarsely. “He keeps telling me that I’m lucky to have a loophole, but it’s not a loophole. He searched for a way so his money wouldn’t be on the hook, and because I was drunk enough to get married to a near stranger, I was also drunk enough not to seal the deal.”
Lila rubbed his back, just like she had when he was twelve and pissed about getting cut from the JV football team. “You know that statement doesn’t make any sense.”
“I do.”
“But I still understand it.”
He turned his head and smiled. “Because you’re my mom.”
Her eyes sheened and he held up a hand. “Don’t. Do not cry, especially not because I’ve been a jerk to you for so long and now you think I’ve seen the light. I always saw it when it comes to you. You were the only good thing that came out of my father’s relationships. The only thing,” he repeated over the soft snick of the door opening. Ryan must be back from the café already. “Even when I hated them, I loved you.”
Lila didn’t respond. Probably some sort of mom sense made her turn around and drop her arm from his back. But it was too late.
Not because Chloe—and he knew it had to be Chloe, because he smelled her, for fuck’s sake—had witnessed something she shouldn’t. But he’d ripped the lid off his emotions, and the truth was right there, staring him in the face. He couldn’t tuck it away and pretend. He loved her too much, and she deserved honesty.
She deserved for him to grow up and be the man he’d never been capable of being before this very fucking second.
“Can you leave us alone?” he asked Lila. The rest of the band had scattered before their break, so for the next few minutes, he and Chloe would have studio B to themselves.
Handy that the walls were soundproof.
