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“No, it’s not. It’s part of your past, but it’s not you.” I couldn’t stop myself from going to her. Sometimes it felt like there was a cord between us, and if she stretched too far, I’d snap back. “I’ve done things I’m not proud of too—”
“Have you ever given someone oral sex for twenty bucks?” she asked in a dead voice. “Have you let a guy come in your throat and then rushed to the clinic to make sure they didn’t give you something that would cost a hell of a lot more than a Jackson to fix?” When I didn’t answer, a corner of her mouth lifted. “No, Fox. You haven’t. But I have. Over and over ag
ain. Don’t worry though, I don’t have anything. I’m clean.” Her equally dead eyes met mine. “If you can believe me.”
“I believe you.”
“Why?”
I didn’t want to be having this discussion in front of Kizzy. Absolutely did not. That didn’t mean I could walk away from it. “Because I don’t have a choice,” I gritted out, wishing I could pull her close and shield her from all of this. “People make mistakes every day. Tomorrow you get up and you try again. The people who care, the ones who matter, will stick by you.”
She stared down at her feet. She’d taken off her shoes and socks and her bare unpainted toes made her seem horribly vulnerable. “Why? Why would anyone stick with me? All I do is push people away. I hurt them.” She lifted her head and stared me in the eye, unflinchingly. “I hurt you.”
“Because we love you,” Kizzy said hoarsely, blinking too fast. Still not dispelling the sheen in her eyes.
Tears weren’t all that far away for me either. Mine gathered in my throat, swelling into a fist that blocked my airway.
And from Mia, nothing. Just a blank stare.
Mia turned and gripped the counter. “We bought wine,” she said, sounding distant. “I don’t want Carly to have too much, but it’s her eighteenth birthday. She should have fun with her friends.”
I looked at Kizzy, who was gazing at me. Neither one of us had a damn clue what to do. Call Carly, she mouthed, but I shook my head. I couldn’t drag her into this mess, not on her birthday. We’d dug this grave, so somehow we would figure out how to draw Mia back out of that silent, scary place she’d retreated into.
Yet again we were slapping a patch on the wound, but it would have to do for now. She had a fight tomorrow, and I’d be damned if she got hurt because we forced an issue she wasn’t ready to face.
I wasn’t sure I was ready either. Maybe I wouldn’t ever be. How could I be ready to listen to her talk about being hurt? How could I ever let her put her mouth on me and not think she was imagining a money transaction afterward?
“Oh my God.”
Both Kizzy and I glanced sharply at Mia. Eyes wide, she clutched her throat. “Kiz, you said you were going to make her a cake.”
“I—I did.” Kizzy took a deep breath and pushed her fingers through the ends of her hair. She’d tied it back with a scarf and it still sprung in every direction. “It’s delicious.”
“Oh my God,” Mia said again.
I slung my arm around her waist. “What’s wrong, babe?”
“Look at this cake!”
At first glance, I couldn’t see the problem. Yes, it was a little long, but Carly was inviting over her friends and I’d invited Slater and Emerson too so we’d need a bigger than average one. Two little round ball things topped one end, crusted with those bejeweled sprinkles Kizzy had mentioned. More of the sparkly things rimmed the round part at the other end.
“It’s a freaking penis.” Mia shook her head. “With supersized nuts.”
“Huh.” I angled my head, studying it some more. The balls were definitely out of proportion to the shaft, but yeah, I guess I could see it.
Mia ground her palms into her eyes. “Dammit, Kizzy. I wonder if I can get a pre-made cake somewhere this late? Maybe the bakery down the street?”
“My cake is fine.” Kizzy sounded indignant. “I ate a piece off the tip to be sure it tasted good. She’ll love it.”
Mia bowed her head, shoulders shaking. For a second, I thought she was crying. Then her laughter rang out, clear and bright.
“You ate the tip of your own penis cake. That’s why it’s so stubby.”
“It is not stubby. They’re not all the same, you know.” Kizzy looked to me for confirmation. “Tell her, Foxy. They come in all shapes and dimensions, right?”
I cleared my throat to keep from laughing. “Sorry, I can’t claim to have looked at a big selection.”
“I have.” Mia pointed at the cake. “And none of them looked like that.”
