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Now my gut wasn’t churning, it was knotted like rope.
He’d said they were at Mia’s new building, so come there if I wanted to talk to them. Mia was understandably upset, so he didn’t want to be on the phone.
Just as well, because what I had to say to them was better done in person.
I parked just up the street from Mia’s new space, the one she planned to use for some kind of counseling place. I opened the door and walked down the hall, dreading what I was about to do with every step I took. But I couldn’t put it off any longer.
And I had to see that note.
It didn’t make any sense. Carly wouldn’t just leave. Her whole life was here. Her sister, Fox, her friends, school. She couldn’t wait to be a chef. No way in hell would she have just walked away from all of that, for any reason.
What if you’re the reason?
I didn’t believe it. Whatever was between us, no matter how difficult things had been, she wouldn’t just take off. She was so much stronger than that. She’d give me the cold shoulder and perhaps cut me out of her life completely, but she wouldn’t run.
Unless she was afraid. Unless there was some reason she thought she had no choice.
Which circled right back around to me again.
Through the glass door that led to Mia’s studio space, I watched Carly’s sister move around the room. She had dropcloths everywhere and buckets of paint, and she kept moving a stepladder as if she couldn’t stay still. Fox was trying to speak to her, but from the frustration on his face, he wasn’t getting anywhere.
I was just going to make everything worse.
I pulled open the door and walked inside, coming to a halt when they fell silent. The silence didn’t last long.
“You.” Mia climbed down off the ladder. “Pushing Fox into a fight last night, so we were focused on that instead of what was going on at home. I wasn’t paying attention to her like I should have been, especially now. She was so stressed out, and I didn’t try hard enough to make sure she was doing okay.”
“Mia.” Fox laid a hand on her arm, but she brushed him off and charged toward me.
I welcomed her aggression. I wanted her to hit me, to blame me for every bit of this. Maybe then self-preservation would kick in, and I would stop blaming myself.
“I questioned your involvement with us all along. Bringing those men into our lives, dragging Fox into that goddamned club. And you know what I found in with her things? A goddamn pay stub from that place.” Mia’s eyes were red-rimmed. Ravaged. “I don’t know what she was doing there, or why, but I know I can trace our being there right back to your fucking doorstep.”
“Mia, this isn’t helping anything.” Fox set his hands on her shoulders. From the way she was vibrating where she stood, I knew he expected her to go for my throat any minute now.
I wouldn’t stop her. Wouldn’t say anything at all to make it harder for her to get out her feelings. It was the least I could do, and it was so fucking inadequate.
“She’s my life. Do you understand that? I did everything for her. Everything. I stayed with a monster, because he threatened her safety. So I didn’t try harder to break free, in case he followed through on his threat to hurt her.” Mia shook her head, her eyes so lined with red that I expected the dam to break at any moment. But it didn’t. She was that freaking strong. “I started fighting to make more money for us, for our new life. Getting her here, making up for the years we lost…it was all I was trying to do. And now she’s gone, and I don’t understand. I don’t understand how she could just walk away.”
“Let me see the letter.” I was surprised my voice didn’t shake. But there was no stopping the tremor that went through my hand as I held it out. “Please.”
It wasn’t Mia who gave it to me, but Fox. He took it out of his jeans pocket. “When I went in her room this morning, the only thing we could tell she’d taken with her was her purse.” Fox passed the paper to me.
It was written on ordinary white paper with a pen with purple ink. I recognized the handwriting immediately. The note she’d left on my door that day flashed through my mind, and if I opened my wallet to where I’d sentimentally tucked it away, I knew the two notes would match.
She’d written this note, no doubt about it.
The message was short, just a few lines, and addressed to Mia.
If you’re reading this, that means I had to leave. I never expected to have to make this decision, because living with you and Fox and Fox’s mom has been like having a real family again. I don’t want it to end, but I have to think about my own family now. This isn’t the best place for my baby, so I have to do what’s right and think of him or her. I’ll be in contact, I promise. I love you with all my heart. You’re the best sister I could’ve ever asked for. Xoxo
I read it three times through, and it still didn’t make any sense. The letters when put together formed words, but I didn’t understand them. I couldn’t.
I couldn’t live through that nightmare again.
Fox was talking, though he sounded as if he were underwater. I gave him back the note and turned around, staring blindly out the floor-to-ceiling windows into a relentlessly sunny day. It had been cool and rainy for a while now. Not today. Today the sun had returned, in spite of the fact that my mind, my world, had turned dark.
“Gio.” Fox shook me and I barely felt his hands. I’d been in shock before from physical pain, and this even exceeded that. Every part of me had gone numb. “Let’s go outside.”
