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“Hey, look at me.” Once I had, she stroked my cheek, as softly as our mama used to do when she sang us lullabies. “I made bad decisions too. So many of them. Ones I’d be ashamed to admit to you.”
“Like what?” When she glanced away, I gripped her hand harder. “Please tell me.”
I needed to hear what she’d done, so I didn’t feel like such a colossal fuckup. I’d started dancing to pay the bills, to offset my schooling, to gain a measure of control in a world where I felt powerless. But I’d gone about taking control in all the wrong ways. Taking off my top for a bunch of strange men wasn’t going to give me anything more than a momentary thrill, and one that could prove dangerous.
I’d thought danger was sexy once. After what had happened at the club, and seeing the bits and pieces of what Gio was into, I didn’t. Not anymore.
But once you set a course, sometimes there was no way to hit reverse. I could quit dancing, but I couldn’t quit Gio. Not yet. And since they were tied together, and dancing gave me a reason to see him, to keep an eye on his activities, I couldn’t give it up either. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t fun anymore. N
ow it had become a means to an end.
“I made some mistakes, did some things I’m not proud of to try to pay the bills. To put some away for you and me. I wasn’t making much at the bar, and female fights never brought in the cash that male ones do. Lately, it’s changing. Women are starting to command—”
I rubbed my thumb over her knuckles. “What did you do, Ame?”
She walked away from me, pushed both hands through her hair. “I can’t believe I’m going to tell you this.” She shifted back to me. “But I am, because you’re an adult now, and you’re my best friend.”
The tears prickled again, and I nodded. “Me too. You’re mine too.”
One corner of her mouth lifted. “More than Jenna? I know I’m not exactly easy to deal with.”
“More than anyone.” I moved forward and took her hand again, trying to convey with my expression that nothing she could tell me could shock or hurt me.
Oh, if she only knew.
“I gave men blowjobs for money,” she whispered.
My horror must’ve shown on my face, because she spun away and stabbed her fingers through her hair again, completely destroying her braid.
“Oh, God, I shouldn’t have said it. I shouldn’t have told you.”
For a second, I didn’t know what to say. Maybe five or ten seconds. Then I realized I didn’t have to say anything at all.
I wrapped my arms around her from behind, squeezing her tightly enough to tell her nothing between us had changed. I loved her every bit as much as I always had. I hated that she’d ever reached the point to do what she had, but I was so glad she’d told me.
Maybe that meant someday, she would be able to understand why I’d made the choices I had. For money, and other reasons.
“It’s okay,” I said after a moment, kissing her shoulder. “It’s all okay. Whatever happened in the past doesn’t matter now. You did it, you learned from it, it’s over.”
“Do you really think that?” She pivoted to face me, and her dark eyes were stark in her pale face. “You can tell me the truth.”
“I am. I wouldn’t begin to judge you. I’m not perfect. God, I’m so not. So whatever you did, it’s in the past.”
She pressed her lips together until they went white. “Yes, it’s in the past.”
“I won’t tell anyone,” I promised. “Never.”
“Tray already knows, if you meant him.”
I blinked. “Wow. Whoa. Really? You told him?”
“Not exactly.” Her cheeks tinged pink. “He heard rumors way back at the beginning when we hooked up, then we got into a fight about it. But yeah, he knows.” She rubbed her palms on her hips. “He knows all the sordid truths about me, and yet he still sticks around. Guy must be insane.”
“A little. And in love.”
“Isn’t that the same thing?”
“Pretty much.” Smiling weakly, I took her hand. “I’m so grateful you told me. Thank you for trusting me.”
