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It was uncomfortable, hearing the truth said aloud. It was something neither she nor her mother acknowledged. Not being close to her mother felt like a flaw. A slightly grubby secret. Something she should apologize for.
But she’d tried so hard.
Liza tightened her hands on the wheel. “We may not be close, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love her.” She clamped her teeth together, knowing that she couldn’t say what she really felt. That she felt overloaded—as if the entire smooth running of their lives was her responsibility. The weight of it was crushing. Sean had a busy architectural practice in London. When he wasn’t working he was using the gym, running in the park or playing golf. Liza’s time outside work was spent sorting out the house and the twins.
Was this what marriage was? Once those early couple-focused years had passed, did it turn into this?
Eight signs that your marriage might be in trouble.
It was just a stupid article. It wasn’t personal. She and Sean had been together for twenty years and they were happy enough. True, life felt as if it was nothing but jobs and responsibility, but that was part of being an adult, wasn’t it? You didn’t get to feel the same carefree joy you did when you were young, and nothing seemed to matter except the moment.
“I know you love your mother. That’s why we’re in the car on a Friday afternoon,” Sean said. “And we’ll make it through this current crisis the way we’ve made it through the others. One step at a time.”
But why does life always have to be a crisis?
She almost asked, but Sean had already moved on and was answering a call from a colleague.
Liza only half listened as he dealt with a string of problems. Since the practice had taken off, it wasn’t unusual for Sean to be glued to his phone.
“Mmm...” he said as he listened. “But it’s about creating a simple crafted space... No, that won’t work... Yes, I’ll call them.”
When he eventually ended the call, she glanced at him. “What if the twins invite Jane over?”
“You can’t stop them seeing their friends.”
“It’s not their friends in general that worry me—just Jane. Did you know she smokes? Sean, are you listening? Stop doing your emails.”
“Sorry. But I wasn’t expecting to take this afternoon off and I have a lot going on right now.” Sean pressed “send” and looked up. “What were you saying? Ah, smoking... Just because Jane is doing it, doesn’t mean Caitlin will.”
“She’s very easily influenced. She badly wants to fit in.”
“And that’s common at her age. Plenty of other kids are the same. It will do the two of them good to fend for themselves for a weekend.”
They wouldn’t exactly be fending for themselves. Liza had already filled the fridge with food. She’d removed all the alcohol from the kitchen cupboard, locked it in the garage and removed the key. But she knew that wouldn’t stop them buying more if they wanted to.
Her stomach lurched as her mind flew to all the possibilities. “What if they have a wild party?”
“It would make them normal. All teenagers have wild parties.”
“I didn’t.”
“I know. You were unusually well-behaved and innocent.” He put his phone away. “Until I met you and changed all that. Remember that day on the beach? You were sixteen. Your mother was away on one of her trips and you went for a walk. A crowd of us were having a party.”
“I remember.” She’d intended to turn around the moment she saw them, but in the end she’d joined them.
“I put my hand up your dress.” He adjusted his seat to give himself more leg room. “I admit it—my technique needed work.”
Her first kiss.
She remembered it clearly. The excited fumbling. The forbidden nature of the encounter. Music in the background. The delicious thrill of anticipation.
She’d fallen crazily in love with Sean that summer. She’d known she was out of step with her peers, who’d been dancing their way through different relationships like butterflies seeking nectar. But Liza had never wanted that. She’d never felt the need for romantic adventure. That meant uncertainty, and she’d already had more than enough of that in her life. All she’d wanted was Sean, with his wide shoulders, his easy smile and his calm nature.
She missed the simplicity of that time.
Suddenly she wanted to be young again.
