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Gayle felt her heart give a little lift.
Ella was going to offer to stay with her. It would give Gayle a chance to try and mend what she’d broken. And maybe Ella would be able to get through to Samantha.
“That’s a kind offer. I—”
“I’ve already called a nursing agency.” Samantha glanced at her phone. “My phone was on silent, but they called back a moment ago and left a message.”
A nursing agency.
Some uniformed stranger would bring her a glass of water in the night and check she wasn’t dead. A transactional arrangement, devoid of care or emotion.
Given the practical way she’d conducted her life up to this point, it shouldn’t have bothered her, but it did.
She no longer wanted it to be like this. She wanted people to care. She wanted to have “loved ones.”
But she knew that the only one who could change the situation was her.
“Thank you. I appreciate it.”
Samantha looked at her, wary. “You asked to see us. Was there a reason?”
She was injured. They were her only family. Wasn’t that enough?
No, no it wasn’t.
“I wanted to apologize.” Up until that moment she hadn’t realized that was what she wanted, but she knew it now. She would do whatever it took to fix this situation. And it was true she was sorry for the way things had turned out, even if she wasn’t exactly sorry for the way she’d raised them. They didn’t know the truth, of course. She hadn’t shared that. She’d told them all they needed to know and not a single word more. The rest she’d tucked away inside her, like crumbs under a carpet.
What mattered here wasn’t the past, but the future. Today was all about putting the first stitch in the serious tear in the relationship. “I wanted to say I was sorry for what happened last time we were together. I’m sorry I upset you.” Gayle desperately wanted a drink of water to moisten her dry throat. She reached for it but Ella was there first, her hands round the cup holding it steady so Gayle could drink.
“There.” Ella’s voice was gentle. “I presume you are allowed to drink?”
Gayle nodded and sipped, encouraged by her daughter’s instinctive move to help her. Maybe there was hope.
Samantha by contrast was tense. Wary.
Gayle knew that if there was to be any chance of reconciliation, it had to be through Ella.
“Tell me about your teaching.”
Ella froze. “Oh. Well...” Her gaze flickered to her sister. “I love teaching.”
Too late Gayle remembered that she’d promised Samantha that she wouldn’t mention Ella’s job. But she was being encouraging and positive, so surely that made it all right?
“I’m glad you found something that works for you. But the most important thing is that you stuck at something. That’s good, too.”
Samantha’s eyes narrowed. “Mom—”
“All I’m saying is that I’m sure there have been times when it has been tough. Teaching can be stressful, I’m sure, but here she is, still teaching.” What had Samantha said? That Ella didn’t feel her mother was proud? “I’m proud of you.” She used the exact words. Said them loud and clear. “Proud that you found something you love and stuck with it.”
Ella slid a finger around the neck of her dress.
Gayle could see a sheen of sweat on her brow, but still Ella kept her gloves on.
This was painful for everyone. So stiff and unnatural.
Gathering together in this sterile hospital room wasn’t anyone’s idea of a fun reunion. This place might heal people, but it didn’t heal relationships. It didn’t fix families.
What should she do? What could she do? The only way to convince them of how badly she wanted to fix things was to show them. Prove she was genuine and committed in her intention to heal the rift. And to do that she needed time. How was she going to engineer that?
