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Jenna stared in horror at the mug on the table.
Because she wasn’t concentrating.
She’d been thinking about the kiss again.
Exasperated with herself, she picked up the half-full mug and scrunched the envelope in her hand. ‘This one is nearly cold. And anyway, I thought you might like one.’
Lexi gaped at her. ‘I don’t drink tea. And why are you hiding that envelope? Is it a letter from Dad or something?’
‘It’s nothing—I mean—’ Jenna stammered. ‘I wrote a phone number on it—for a plumber—that tap is still leaking—’
Lexi’s eyes drifted to the tap, which stubbornly refused to emit even a drop of water. ‘So if there’s a number on it, why did you just scrunch it up?’
‘I only remembered about the number after I scrunched it up.’
Lexi shrugged, as if her mother’s strange behaviour was so unfathomable it didn’t bear thinking about. ‘I won’t be back for lunch. I’m meeting Fraser and a bunch of his friends up at the castle ruins at nine. We’re making a day of it.’
‘It’s Sunday. Archaeology club isn’t until tomorrow.’
‘Not officially, but the chief archaeologist guy is going to show us the dungeons and stuff. Really cool.’
‘Oh.’ Still clutching the envelope, Jenna sat back down at the table, relieved that there wasn’t going to be an inquisition about the night before. ‘I was going to suggest we made a picnic and went for a walk on the cliffs, but if you’re meeting your friends—well, that’s great.’
Lexi pushed her bowl away and stood up. ‘Do I look OK?’
Jenna scanned the pretty strap top vacantly, thinking that the blue reminded her of Ryan’s eyes in the seconds before he’d kissed her on the beach. Had she ever felt this way about Clive? Was it just that she’d forgotten? And how did Ryan feel about her?
‘Mum? What do you think?’
‘I think he’s a grown man and he knows what he’s doing.’
‘What?’ Lexi stared at her. ‘He’s fifteen. Same age as me.’
Jenna turned scarlet. ‘That’s what I mean. He’s almost a man. And I’m sure he’s responsible.’
‘But I didn’t ask you—’ Lexi shook her head in frustration. ‘What is wrong with you this morning? Mum, are you OK?’
No, Jenna thought weakly. She definitely wasn’t. ‘Of course I’m OK. Why wouldn’t I be? I’m great. Fine. I’m good. Really happy. Looking forward to a day off.’
Lexi backed away, hands raised. ‘All right, all right. No need to go overboard—I was just asking. You look like you’re having a breakdown or something.’
‘No. No breakdown.’ Her voice high pitched, Jenna pinned a smile on her face. She was good at this bit. Feel one emotion, show another. She’d done it repeatedly after her marriage had fallen apart. Misery on the inside, smile on the outside. Only in this case it was crazy lust-filled woman on the inside, respectable mother on the outside. ‘Have a really, really nice day, Lexi. I’m glad you’ve made friends so quickly.’
Lexi narrowed her eyes suspiciously. ‘What? No lecture? No “Don’t go too near the edge or speak to strangers”? No “Sex is for two people who love each other and are old enough to understand the commitment”? Are you sure you’re OK?’
Back to thinking about Ryan, Jenna barely heard her. ‘I thought you wanted me to worry less.’
‘Yes, but I didn’t exactly expect you to manage it!’
‘Well, you can relax. I haven’t actually stopped worrying—I’ve just stopped talking about it.’ Still clutching the envelope, Jenna stood up and made herself another cup of tea. ‘I’ve brought you up with the right values—it’s time I trusted you. Time I gave you more independence and freedom to make your own mistakes.’
‘Mum, are you feeling all right?’
No. No, she wasn’t feeling all right.
She was feeling very confused. She was thinking about nothing but sex and that just wasn’t her, was it? Had Clive’s brutal betrayal left her so wounded and insecure that she needed affirmation that she was still an attractive woman? Or was it something to do with wanting what you couldn’t have?
Lexi folded her arms. ‘So you’re perfectly OK if I just spend the day up at the castle, taking drugs and making out with Fraser?’
