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He must have detected something in her tone because he gave her a curious look. “Sounds good to me.” Still with his arm round her waist, he flashed a smile at Molly. “Stay close to Todd. Don’t go in the water. Flora and I will be back soon.”
Todd winked at them and Flora thought that they wouldn’t be exchanging such smug man smiles if they knew why she was extracting Jack from the group.
She took the trail to the boathouse, knowing there would be no one there. The dark clouds were back, hovering above like a threat. There was going to be a thunderstorm. The air was close and crackled with tension. She wondered if some of that was generated by her own stress.
When they were well away from the Lodge, Jack stopped and would have tugged her against him but she stepped back.
“We need to talk.” She wasn’t going to be deflected. She wasn’t going to let fear push her onto another path. She was going to flatten as many daisies as she needed to. “We agreed to be honest. To share. You said that was what you wanted.” She felt her voice rise and took a deep breath. This conversation had to be calm.
“It is what I want.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me about Izzy?” She’d expected him to look shocked, even a little guilty. She hadn’t expected him to look bemused.
“What about Izzy?”
Did she really have to spell it out? “I know you’re not her real father.”
The shock came then. It flashed across his features as he stood without moving. “Who told you that?” There was a harshness to his voice that she hadn’t heard before.
“She did.”
“She shouldn’t have—”
“Yes, she should, Jack, because it was important information. I’m trying to build a relationship with your girls, and how can I do that if there are major things I don’t know? I’ve been stumbling around in the dark trying to understand Izzy, and now I discover that she isn’t your child! Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I honestly didn’t think of it.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes, seriously, because she is my child, Flora.” There was a fire in his eyes that made her wonder if she’d misunderstood.
“Jack—”
“In every sense that matters, she’s my daughter.”
It started to rain, just a few drops at first and then a steady patter that slid from leaves onto her shoulder. “In every sense that matters?”
He tugged her under the shelter of a tree. “It’s true that Becca was pregnant when I married her. Biologically Izzy isn’t my child. I knew that. It was never a secret, and we were straight with Izzy from the moment she was old enough to learn about parents and families. She was fine with it. I was fine with it. And I’ve loved Izzy as my own from the first moment I saw her. You ask why I didn’t share it—the answer is because I don’t think about it. It wouldn’t have occurred to me to mention it. I’m struggling to hold everything together here—I’m trying to remember not to put ham in the sandwiches, to make sure both girls get where they’re supposed to be going, wearing what they’re supposed to wear, and I lie awake most nights counting the ways I’m screwing this up and wondering w
hat impact that will have on them. My head is so full it feels as if it’s going to burst. And I can understand why you’re upset, I really can. I can see how this might look from the outside and if I’d thought of it, I probably would have told you, but I didn’t think of it because in my head and my heart, she’s mine.”
I can see how this might look from the outside.
She was the one on the outside, but she couldn’t think about that now.
Her cheeks were damp. Rain and tears mingled. She wished Izzy could have heard that speech. She needed to hear that speech. “You’re not screwing up, Jack. And when it comes to families, I’m a total beginner but I don’t think it’s about being perfect. It’s not about always getting it right. It’s about trying your hardest, and caring—” her voice broke “—and you do all that. You do that. The most important thing is that the kids know you love them.”
“I don’t know why Izzy would raise it with you now, but it isn’t an issue.”
“It is a huge issue to her.” The rain was falling harder now, sliding through the thick canopy of leaves. “She’s feeling desperately vulnerable and insecure.”
“She lost her mother.”
“And that has made her insecure about her place in the family. She’s scared.” She didn’t want to add to the pressure he was already feeling, but how could she not speak up about this? “I believe that you don’t think about it. And maybe it doesn’t matter to you, but it matters to Izzy. And it matters to me! If I’d known sooner, it might have helped me understand her.”
“There’s nothing to understand. She’s mine. That’s the end of it. There was no reason for her to ever tell you.”
The words were a slap. “So you’re saying that you would never would have told me? If Izzy hadn’t mentioned it, I would never have found out? Oh Jack—” Her whole chest ached. Her throat ached with the emotion she was holding back. How could they ever be a family? She’d been kidding herself. She wanted to curl up in a ball and sob, but she couldn’t do that because there was Izzy to think of, and Jack still wasn’t hearing her. “Forget it. Right now you need to focus on Izzy. She needs to be able to talk to you, Jack.”
