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“I’m not the one who needs to talk. I’ve made up my mind.” Izzy leaned down to hug Molly again, who this time wriggled and squirmed.
“Ow. You’re squeezing me.”
Jack put his plate down on the table, rattling cutlery. “But you’ve talked about college for ages.” Despite his suggestion that they drop the subject, he seemed unable to. “How you’re going to be a journalist and change the world.”
“The best way to write about the world is to experience everything it has to offer. I can’t do that if I’m trapped in a dorm room. I’m going to write about travel. Backpacking. Meeting new people.”
“Izzy—sweetheart—I don’t know what to say.” There was something endearing about Jack’s desperate honesty. “Your mother would have wanted you to go to college.”
That was totally the wrong thing to say, Flora thought, and Izzy’s reaction confirmed her suspicions.
“My mother isn’t here.” Izzy’s voice shook. “I’m on my own now. We’ve all had to make changes. We’ve all had to make new choices, and maybe those choices don’t work for all of us. I’m forced to accept yours—” her gaze flickered briefly to Flora “—so you should accept mine. This is my life. My decision. I’m not going to college.”
Flora shifted uncomfortably. Was she the reason Izzy had changed her mind about college?
And why would Izzy feel she was alone, when she was standing here with her father, sister and close family friends?
Still, despite the personal gibe, Flora admired Izzy for having the strength to fight for what she believed was right for her. To carve her own path, even if it went against the wishes of others.
“Why don’t you sleep on it?” Clare tried to reduce the tension but Izzy and her father were locked in battle. Izzy had a stubborn, miserable look on her face and Flora willed Jack to give her a big hug and take her off for a proper talk.
But when she looked at him all she saw was a deep frown of parental frustration. He was trying to work out what to say to make Izzy change her mind.
Was that why Izzy felt she was on her own? Because she believed she had no supporters?
“I don’t want to sleep on it.” Izzy’s voice rose. “I know what I want. Why doesn’t anyone at least try to understand? Why doesn’t anyone listen? Sometimes I feel like I’m an alien, alone on a planet.” Her pain was so obvious it was painful to witness. It sucked Flora back in time. She was a child again.
No one had listened to her. No one had been interested in what she wanted. It was expected that she’d somehow blend into the background of her aunt’s life. She’d been expected to fit the mold someone else had shaped for her.
Flora
stepped forward, even though it felt a bit like throwing herself in front of a speeding car.
“I understand, Izzy. And I’m listening.” No one had supported her, or even cared what she truly wanted. That wasn’t going to happen to Izzy. Not while she was around. She was here, and she was going to help. “I think you’re right to stand up for what you want. It’s your life. Your decision. And if you want to talk about it, I’m here.”
Jack put his hand on her arm. “Flora—”
“Izzy is right. Sometimes when life changes, our decisions change, too.” She ignored his effort to interrupt her. “And what is right for one person isn’t right for another. Dreams are personal and everyone has a right to do what feels right for them.”
Izzy looked stunned. She stared at Flora without speaking. Her fists unclenched slightly. The rise and fall of her chest slowed.
Flora felt a flicker of connection, and then it was gone and Izzy’s face contorted.
“You think you understand? You have no idea how I’m feeling. None.” She turned her fury and frustration on Flora, snarling like a rescue dog who hadn’t yet learned to trust. “And you pretend that you care, but you don’t. You’re just desperate for me to like you because you’re crazy about my dad and you need my approval if you’re going to stay together. And you’ll do anything for that, won’t you? You’ll even do stuff you totally hate, including running, which half killed you. I mean, how far are you prepared to go to fit in? I don’t even know what you really like! But whatever you do, you’re never going to be my mom and sleeping with my dad doesn’t make you a member of this family, and—”
“Isabella!” Jack’s voice cut through her tumbled speech and he pulled Flora close, providing a physical barrier between her and the weaponized words. “That’s enough. Apologize, right now.”
“No way!”
“Then go to your room.”
“Go to my room? I’m seventeen, not six! Mom would never have said that to me.” Izzy’s voice was high and she was physically shaking.
Flora was shaking, too. Shaking and embarrassed. Izzy had made her sound so manipulative and cold. The implication was that she really didn’t care at all, and it wasn’t true. She cared a great deal. She’d been genuinely trying to get to know Jack’s children by sharing their interests. Did Izzy even know how much she admired her? Not just the way she’d handled the past year, but the way she knew what she wanted and wasn’t afraid to fight for it. She wished she’d been more like her as a teenager.
She tried to rationalize her own behavior but Izzy’s words were stuck in her flesh like a thorn. How far are you prepared to go to fit in?
It was a fair and uncomfortable question.
