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st say that, I have no idea. It was only a suggestion. Molly, please stop crying.” Her head had been throbbing from the heat and the riding helmet. Now it was threatening to explode. She’d always assumed she’d get married and have kids at some point in her life, but she was starting to question that.
“She’s probably tired.” Flora sat down on the grass next to Molly. “You don’t have to swim if you don’t want to, Molly. You can swim tomorrow.”
“Don’t-want-to-swim-tomorrow.” Each word was punctuated with a jerky breath. “I don’t ever want to swim again!”
Izzy winced. Since when did her sister have such a loud and piercing voice? She was pretty sure their neighbors in Manhattan would have heard every word.
“Why don’t you want to swim, Moll? And why don’t you want me to swim?”
“Because you might drown and I don’t want you to die like Flora’s mommy.” She flung herself down on the grass and Izzy met Flora’s gaze above her sister’s sodden, heaving body.
She saw horror and guilt. Izzy was just relieved it wasn’t something she’d done.
“Oh Molly—” Flora rubbed the little girl’s shoulders. “I’m sorry I scared you.” She tugged Molly onto her lap, rocking her gently. “What happened to my mother wouldn’t happen to you.”
Molly sniffed and clung. “Why?”
Flora’s face was a whitish gray. She looked almost as upset as Molly. She looked at Izzy and her quick, reassuring smile was strained.
She doesn’t want to talk about it, Izzy thought, but then Flora settled herself more comfortably on the grass and did talk about it.
“My mother went swimming in deep water in the sea. And she didn’t have a life belt, or anyone with her. That isn’t what happens when you swim. You’re always with Izzy, or your daddy. You’re in your depth, and you have your floats.”
Molly scrubbed her face with her palm and peered at Flora. “But you don’t go swimming.”
“That’s not because it’s unsafe. It’s because—well, I’m scared of water.” Flora tightened her grip on Molly. “I probably should have done something about it long before now, but I never have. There isn’t much need or opportunity to swim where I live so I never had to push myself.”
Molly sniffed. “Daddy says it’s okay to be scared, but if you’re scared of something you should just do it.”
“And he’s right. I should have just done it. I wish I had, because then you and I would be able to swim in that lake together.”
“No, because now I’m scared, too.” She started to cry again, heartrending sobs that made Izzy’s stomach hurt.
She felt so out of her depth she might as well have been in the middle of the lake, but Flora didn’t seem to be floundering.
“You are brilliant in the water,” she said. “I looked out of my window yesterday and I thought to myself There’s a dolphin in the lake. How did a dolphin get into the lake? And then I looked a little closer and realized it was you.”
Molly’s sob turned to a little gurgle of laughter. “Dolphins don’t live in the lake.”
“You know that because you’re smart. And being smart, you also know how to be safe in the water. I’ve seen you. You always have someone with you, you never go too far from the shore—you do all the right things. And then there’s the fact that you’re a great swimmer.”
Molly sucked in a juddery breath. “Aunt Clare taught me.”
“Right. So we know you’re not scared of water, not really. Is there something else that scares you?”
Izzy thought about the question even though it hadn’t been aimed at her. Lately it felt she was permanently scared. She was scared of living a life without her mother. Scared about that conversation she’d overheard. Scared of knowing things she wished she didn’t know. Scared of Flora’s presence in their lives. Scared of not being needed, and of losing her place in the family. She was pretty sure she could now add “scared of horses” to the list.
It was a good job Flora hadn’t asked her the question. It would take Izzy at least two weeks to answer it.
Molly, however, only said one thing. “I’m scared Daddy and Izzy will die, too.”
Izzy expected Flora to say Of course they won’t die, but she didn’t.
“When my mother died, I was scared, too. I think it’s because as well as losing someone you love, you lose that sense of security. A good mother—and your mommy was obviously a very good mommy—makes you feel safe, and losing that feeling of being safe is a very scary thing. And you’re scared it might happen to other people you love. But it’s very rare for people to die the way your mommy did, and my mommy did. We have to remember that.”
Molly seemed to think about it. “I miss her.”
“Of course you do.”
