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Fia’s mouth dried.
His dark gaze clashed with hers for a moment and he gave a faint smile.
‘We can do this,’ he drawled, averting his eyes from her body as he walked to the edge of the pool. ‘We can occupy the same space and not strip each other naked.’
‘Nekkid—’ Luca said happily, mimicking his father, and Fia winced.
‘You have to be careful what you say. He copies everything. Usually the words you don’t want him to copy.’ Holding Luca close, she backed into the shallow end, waiting for Santo to execute a flashy dive. She’d once spent an entire day watching while he and his brother had dived off the rocks further up the bay. She knew he had all the skills necessary to impress her so it came as a surprise when instead he slid into the water. And her surprise must have shown because he lifted an eyebrow in her direction. ‘Given that children invariably detect tension in an adult, it might be advisable not to look at me as if a shark has just arrived in the pool.’
‘I thought you were going to dive. I didn’t want you to splash him.’
‘This is water, tesoro. The idea is to get wet.’
‘I don’t want him to be scared and put off for ever.’
‘Is that what happened to you? I’ve noticed that you never go in the sea.’
‘My brother used to pull me under and hold me there.’
Something flickered in his eyes. Sympathy? Anger?
She waited for him to say something derogatory about her family but instead he ducked under the water and emerged right in front of her. ‘Swimming is all about confidence. We need to build up your confidence. And in the meantime I will teach him that the water is fun. My brother and I spent hours swimming when we were young.’ Clearing the water from his eyes, he peeled Luca away from her and switched to Italian, talking constantly to his son as he bounced him in the water, making a point of splashing him and getting the child’s face wet. And Luca loved every second, including the moment his father dunked him under the water. He came up gasping and then splashed his father back, enjoying himself so much that Fia felt an agonizing pang of guilt.
She’d almost deprived him of this. She’d made a horrible, terrible misjudgement. ‘I’m sorry,’ she blurted out and Santo stilled, his hands firm on his son.
‘Sorry for what?’
‘I…I was wrong not to tell you. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was protecting him because I didn’t want him to have the sort of childhood I had. But now I can see—’ she broke off ‘—you’re really good with him. ‘He loves being with you.’
‘And that should be a cause for celebration, no? So why are you looking so gloomy?’
‘Because you’re never going to forgive me,’ she said wearily. ‘It’s always going to be between us.’
He stared at her for a long moment and his mouth tightened. ‘You are talking like a Baracchi, not a Ferrara. It is the Baracchi way to bear grudges and stew in a simmering broth of past discontentment. But you are now a Ferrara so you will solve this the Ferrara way and that means moving on. The past is only of relevance if we learn from it. If not, then it has no relevance in our future.’
But what was their future?
Could they really sustain a family based on what they had? She loved Luca. He loved Luca. They were only spending time together now because she’d inadvertently encroached on the time he spent with his son.
But even knowing that didn’t change the fact that right now they felt like a family and the emotion hit her in the chest with brutal force. This was what she’d wanted as a child, and she wanted it no less now that she was an adult.
Transferring Luca to his shoulders, Santo watched her steadily. ‘It’s only fair to warn you that if you leave this pool now I’ll just haul you back.’
‘How did you know I was going to do that?’
‘Because I can read the signals. You always have one eye on an escape route.’
‘We both know this is your time with Luca.’ She turned scarlet, wishing she’d never started this conversation. ‘You never spend time with me during the day. You get up early to be with Luca, you spend time at work and then more time with him, and then you come to bed and have—’ she glanced at Luca and moderated her language ‘—we sleep together. That’s our relationship. I’m someone you spend time with in the dark.’
There was a long, tense silence.
Santo drew in a long breath. ‘Firstly, I get up early and spend time with Luca because he is an early riser and I am trying to give you more rest because you work extremely hard and I respect that. Secondly, I spend time at work because I am in the middle of an important project, not because I am avoiding you and as you are also working hard I didn’t see that as a problem. Thirdly, I come to bed and have sex with you because that is the only time of day our paths seem to cross. I don’t see you as someone to have sex with in the dark, but as my wife. And if daylight sex is what it’s going to take to prove to you that I’m serious about this relationship, then I have no problem with that.’
‘Sex,’ Luca said happily, tugging his father’s hair, and Santo gave a murmur of contrition and threw her a look of exasperated apology.
‘Mi dispiace—I’m sorry—’
‘My fault. I started the conversation. He’s like a sponge. Just don’t say it again. With any luck he’ll forget.’
