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my own I didn’t even know I was pregnant, and once I found out… I honestly didn’t know what to do. My grandfather wouldn’t have your name spoken in the house. How was I to tell him you were the father of my child? I didn’t have anyone to talk to.’
Releasing her, Santo dragged his hand over the back of his neck. ‘Now I am the one feeling guilty,’ he admitted in a raw tone. ‘When I walked into your kitchen that day and saw Luca, I just exploded. I thought “mine”, and that was all I thought. I gave no thought to your reasoning.’
‘I don’t blame you for that. I’m just saying that it isn’t as simple as just not telling you. It was much, much more complicated than that.’
He reached out a hand and drew her towards him. ‘I rushed you into this marriage—’
‘“Propelled” would be a better word.’ Fia leaned her forehead against his bare chest. ‘It was less shotgun than supersonic. But I could have said no.’
‘I wasn’t prepared to hear no.’ His hands stroked her shoulders and closed over her arms. ‘I pushed you into it.’
‘I still could have said no. I have a brain and a mouth. I didn’t agree to marry you because you bullied me.’
‘Then why did you?’ His voice was rough. ‘You were saying no and then all of a sudden you said yes. What changed your mind that day?’
Her heart was pounding. ‘One of the things you said to me was that I didn’t have a clue what a family should be like.’
‘I had no right to say that.’
Fia gave a sad smile. ‘You had every right to say that. You cared about your son. You saw my family and didn’t want that for him. But what you didn’t know was that I’d been studying your family and envying your family all my life. When Luca was born I did my best to create what you had, not what I had. I wanted him to have that same network of people who loved him. I found Ben and Gina who are both warm, expressive, good people. I banned my grandfather from saying bad things. I tried to give Luca that web of support that you Ferraras take for granted.’
‘I see that now. And I also see that one of the reasons Luca is so friendly and trusting is because he has been surrounded by love since he was born. And to do that in such difficult circumstances…I do think that what you achieved was nothing short of amazing.’ He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her gently. ‘That still doesn’t explain why you suddenly agreed to marry me.’
‘You kissed him,’ Fia said simply. ‘That first morning in your apartment when you were giving him breakfast. I walked in, sure that marriage would be the wrong thing…and you were kissing Luca. And I realised that nothing I’d created could match that. I realised that what I’d been working to reproduce was right in front of me. You were his real family. And he has a right to that, and to his cousins, aunts and uncles.’
‘And do you regret that decision?’
‘No. Luca loves being with you. It’s only been a few weeks but his life has changed so much for the better.’
‘You are an incredible mother and Luca is lucky. And you? What about your life?’ His tone was unsteady. ‘How is this marriage working for you? How do you feel?’
How did she feel?
She felt slightly light-headed as she always did when she was with him. She felt warm inside at his unexpected compliment. She felt—
She felt glad that she was married to him. And not just because of Luca.
Seriously unsettled, she pulled away. ‘I feel fine.’
‘Fine? What does “fine” mean? That word tells me nothing of how you really feel.’
She loved him. Somehow, over the past few weeks, she’d fallen in love.
The sudden realisation was like a sharp blade twisting in her heart and for a moment she couldn’t breathe. Oh, how stupid. What a crazy, dangerous, reckless thing to do.
His mouth tightened. ‘The fact that you don’t know how to answer tells me a lot. You are a very unselfish person. You married me because you thought it was the right thing for our son. And you should know that I am determined to make this marriage work. I truly want you to be happy. From now on we will do more together. Not just with Luca, but as a couple. I will make space in my day and so will you.’
He had misinterpreted her silence and she was grateful for that because the last thing she wanted was for him to know how she felt.
The downside was that now he felt he had to work extra hard to please her.
She was going on his ‘to-do’ list.
Spending time with her wasn’t a pleasure, but a responsibility.
Her pride shattered, Fia pulled away. ‘You’re very busy—’ she pulled her damp hair over one shoulder ‘—and I’m very busy. Let’s just carry on as we were. Honestly, that suits me.’
‘Well, that doesn’t suit me. If this marriage is to work it has to be about us as well as Luca.’
