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She said nothing, just put her arms round him and held him close. Because giving him a hug was the only thing she could think of to make him feel better.
‘Dad fell apart. And he couldn’t face seeing me because I reminded him of my mother and everything he’d lost. So my grandparents—my Greek grandparents, that is—looked after me for the first two years of my life.’
‘What about your mother’s parents?’
‘Same as Dad. They saw me as the cause of her death.’
So they’d abandoned him, too? She could have cried for the little boy he’d been back then. Pushed away by those who should have loved him when he had been too little to understand what was going on. ‘Theo, that’s so unfair. And it wasn’t your fault.’
He sighed. ‘Yes and no. If she hadn’t had me, she’d still be alive. Anyway, I don’t remember the next bit—it’s what Dad and Yiayia told me, years later.’
‘Yiayia?’
‘My Greek grandmother. Apparently I caught chickenpox when I was two. I was pretty ill with it, so my grandparents called my father. Made him see me. And from that moment I think he realised that he hadn’t lost my mother completely—he still had part of her, in me. So he moved in with my grandparents and me. And then he met Eleni, and she mended his broken heart.’ He smiled. ‘They got married. And they’ve been happy together. Though every time Eleni was going to have a baby, Dad used to get really tense. I didn’t understand why until just after she had Stefanos—and then, when they were sure he was their last baby, they told me. They thought I was old enough to understand by then, and they didn’t want to lie to me about my past.’
‘And that’s why you became an obstetrician?’
‘Yes. So I could stop it happening to another family. I’ve never regretted having Eleni as a stepmother—she’s a sweetheart and I love her dearly—but the idea that my father went through such unhappiness when I was small…’ He dragged in a breath. ‘I wanted to stop someone else going through that. Wanted to save another child from the knowledge and the guilt that his birth had killed his mother.’
‘Theo.’ She stroked his face. ‘It wasn’t your fault. I’m sure if you talked to your dad and your stepmother about it, they’d say the same.’
‘How can I drag it all up again?’ he asked. ‘They’ve been through enough. I can’t discuss it with them, hurt them like that.’
‘I don’t know them so I can’t speak for them, but I know how my family would react—and they’d hate to think you were still feeling so bad about things.’
He shrugged. ‘I’ve come to terms with it.’
No, he hadn’t. And her thoughts must have shown on her face, because he said gently, ‘Eleni’s always treated me as if I were her natural son, not her stepson. I never knew my mother, apart from through photographs and what my father and grandparents told me about her, so it’s not that I haven’t come to terms with my mother dying. I just don’t ever want to put a woman through childbirth. If it went wrong, I don’t think I’d ever be able to live with the guilt.’
‘Theo, what happened was tragic. And I’m sorry your family had to go through such pain. But dying in childbirth is rare. Really rare. And just because it happened to your mother, it doesn’t necessarily mean it will happen to your partner.’
‘I’m not prepared to take that risk, Maddie. And you know as well as I do how many complications there can be in pregnancy, during labour and in the few hours after birth.’ Gently, he wriggled free of her arms and shifted away slightly.
Putting distance between them again.
He’d let her close, and now she could tell he was panicking about it. So the only thing Madison could do was to give him what he clearly wanted. Space. ‘Theo, I’m not going to breathe a word of what you just told me. I’ll keep your confidence,’ she assured him. ‘But I can see that you’re feeling crowded. So I’ll go now. Not because I don’t care, but because I think that space is what you need most right now.’ She sucked in a breath. ‘Just…you know where I am if you want to talk some more.’
Part of Theo knew that he shouldn’t let her go. But he also knew that if he asked her to stay, let her that close, he’d end up breaking his unbreakable rule. He’d want to be with Maddie. And, given that they wanted such different things out of life, that wouldn’t be fair. He couldn’t rid himself of the fear enough to give her what she wanted, and he definitely couldn’t be selfish enough to ask her to give up her dreams for him.
