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‘You have every right to be angry with me.’ Without waiting for invitation, Nathaniel walked into the flat and kicked the door shut behind him.
Panic fluttered in her chest. ‘What do you think you’re doing?’
‘You’re always saying that if there’s a problem, it’s better to talk, so we’re going to talk.’
Katie stood, mute, terrified to open her mouth in case this was the moment when she broke down and sobbed.
Nathaniel lifted an eyebrow. ‘I’m giving you permission to talk—to say everything that’s in your head.’
Katie said nothing.
‘I think I’ll just go for a walk.’ Claire’s voice was falsely bright. ‘This is one scene where you definitely don’t need any extras.’ Grabbing her coat, she melted out of the flat, shutting the door firmly behind her.
Nathaniel didn’t shift his gaze from Katie. ‘This isn’t like you.’ When she still didn’t answer, he gave an exasperated sigh. ‘All right, maybe this time I’ll do the talking. I went back to Wolfe Manor. I saw Jacob.’
Katie still said nothing, but her legs felt unsteady and everything inside her was churning.
‘I went to the lake.’ Something flickered in his eyes. ‘I told you that William tried to drown me there—what I didn’t tell you was that Carrie did the same thing when I was a baby. She’d just discovered that my father had produced a child with another woman. She was always emotionally fragile, but that night—well, it tipped her over the edge. Apparently she thought she was saving me.’
This time she found her voice. ‘Nathaniel—’
‘Are those your pictures of me?’ He stared at the pile of magazines that she’d stacked by the door. ‘Are you clearing them out of your life?’
‘Never mind that.’ She felt dizzy. ‘Who saved you that night? When your mother walked into the lake with you?’
‘Jacob and Lucas were home from the school holidays and were camping in the grounds. They waded in and rescued us both. Much to my father’s fury—he beat them both for saving his “mad wife” and her unwanted child. That’s me by the way.’ His mouth twisted. ‘I was the unwanted child. Apparently the only time my father was nice to my mother was when she was pregnant with my brother Sebastian. Unfortunately she made the mistake of thinking that history would repeat itself so she got herself pregnant again. Big mistake.’
Katie wrapped her arms around herself. ‘Did she recognise you when you gave her the Sapphire?’
‘I don’t know.’ His voice was soft. ‘I think so but maybe that’s just wishful thinking.’
‘How is she?’
‘Stable. On buckets of medication, of course, but happy enough in her own world. All we can do for her is protect her as much as we can.’
But it wasn’t the child’s job to protect the parent, was it?
Katie thought about her own childhood. Her father’s hidden life didn’t change the fact that she’d been loved. Really loved. ‘I don’t know how you survived.’
‘I survived by becoming someone else. I acted my way through the most difficult years.’ Nathaniel held her gaze. ‘I was someone else pretty much the whole time until I met you. You’re the first woman who has been interested in the man, not the movie star. The drama project in Rio—I just wanted to give money. I didn’t want to know where it went. I didn’t want to hear their stories. Maybe I was trying to get rid of the guilt I felt about not protecting Annabelle. If I helped some other child …’ He gave a careless shrug. ‘And then you suggested I get involved. And it changed everything.’
‘Nathaniel—’
‘I don’t do “involved.” I don’t get down and dirty with people’s emotions—I’m not good with all that stuff. But those kids were—’ He frowned. ‘I thought I was the one helping them, but it turned out they were the ones helping me. Watching them made me realise that you cannot let yourself be defined by what went before. It’s never too late to build a new life. To do something different. To want something different. And I want something different, Katie. I don’t want to wake up every morning and act my way through the day. I want to live my life, not someone else’s.’ His gaze burned into hers. ‘And I want to live it with you.’
Her heart tried to fly but her brain wouldn’t let it. Don’t be a fool, Katie.
Nathaniel gave a crooked smile. ‘Say something.’
‘You won a Sapphire—’ her voice was a croak ‘—you’re the world’s hottest movie star ….’
‘That’s just my job—’ he took her face in his hands, stroking her cheeks with his thumbs ‘—that’s not who I am. You taught me that. You’re the only person who ever cared enough to look past the performance. The only person who ever wanted to know me. And I want to carry on being me, with you by my side. I love you.’ When she still didn’t speak, his smile faltered. ‘That’s the first time I’ve ever said those words outside a film set.’
Still Katie kept the excitement tightly leashed. ‘This is all very sudden—and unexpected ….’ She wasn’t brave enough, was she? She wasn’t brave enough to believe him. ‘When did you decide that you loved me?’
‘When I won a Sapphire and it meant nothing to me.’ His eyes raked her face, searching. ‘I wanted to win it for Carrie, but the moment you walked out that night, I knew I hadn’t won at all. I’d lost.’
‘Nathaniel—’
