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This wasn’t making it any less stressful on either of them. She put her hands on his chest and stepped back. “I have to go. See you tomorrow.”
This was painful on a level she’d not experienced before. Grateful that the darkness hid her tears, she made her way to the car. Half an hour later she pulled a pillow to her and curled around it, hoping she could get at least a few hours’ sleep.
CHAPTER EIGHT
LEAVING CODY’S HOUSE had to have been the most difficult thing she’d ever done. Every fiber in her being had wanted to stay. Had wanted him, wanted them, but more than that wanted to have a place where she belonged.
Family had been something she had grown up wishing for. Being a member of a loving group that cared about each other, no matter what. At one time she’d thought that would be a reality of hers but not now. She’d lost that dream. Still, it pulled at her at times, like the scene she had just been a part of at Cody’s.
She had it bad. Had jumped over the line. This was just what she had fought against. Since her fiasco with her ex-fiancé she’d managed to remain unattached to anybody. Not this time. But she understood the score. Cody wanted someone who would stay on Maple Island, be there for him and his girls. Or did he really? Anyway, that wasn’t something she was capable of doing. What if she screwed it all up and he left her?
All she knew was to keep moving. It was safe. Her visit on Maple Island had proved what staying in one place too long did to a person. She’d become attached to him and the girls, and would carry the pain of leaving them with her forever. It was a hurt she’d said she would never let herself bear again. And yet...
Even if Cody asked her to stay, she couldn’t. But he wouldn’t ask. He wouldn’t let go of his fear that the marriage he wanted wasn’t possible. He’d been hurt too deeply before. She wouldn’t take the chance she might fail him. Cody had already suffered through one demoralizing marriage. She couldn’t do it to him again. He deserved better.
Determined they would remain friends and on good terms, she would square her shoulders and find the fortitude to focus on work until it was time for her to leave. After all, nothing had really changed except they had stopped sharing a bed. But that was the change she hated most.
Despite two sleepless nights from being without Cody, she decided when Saturday morning arrived sunny and warm she would go to Boston and do some sightseeing. She took the midmorning ferry. She’d not seen any of the city except for the inside of a hospital. Today she would play tourist, for tomorrow she would be gone.
Refusing to dwell on the turn her life had taken, she put all her efforts into walking the Freedom Trail. She followed the painted directions on the street leading to all the important historical buildings that had been built before America had gained its independence. She saw the site of the Boston Tea Party, went inside Faneuil Hall to explore it, listening to the ghosts of the American Forefathers debating declaring independence from Great Britain. She stopped in the bustling market for lunch before returning to her walk that ended at the North Church that had been an integral part of Paul Revere’s night ride. She even took time to climb through the tall ship the USS Constitution, which she’d seen from the air when she and Cody had flown to the hospital. She made it a full day.
The only thing that marred her visit was the occasional thought slipping into her head that Cody would like this or she wished the girls could share that. The one concession she made to missing Cody’s family was buying Jean and Lizzy a copy of Make Way for Ducklings at the Old Corner Bookstore. She couldn’t help herself. The classic tale of the mallard ducks taking a stroll in the park was one she was confident the girls would enjoy.
With time on her hands and the next ferry still a few hours off, she decided to go to an afternoon movie. It would be months before she would have a chance to see a new release again. Ethiopia was a long way from home. From Maple Island. From the clinic. The girls. Cody.
* * *
She’d been back at the cottage long enough to shower and pull on one of Cody’s T-shirts that she’d brought home with her when there was a pounding on her door. She pushed the curtain to one side. Cody stood on her porch. Concern filled his face. His hand rose as if he was going to knock again.
When she opened the door he stepped in and grabbed her, lifting her off her feet. It was heavenly being held by him again. His words rushed out, his worry surrounding each of them. “I’ve been trying to get in touch with you all day.”
“Is something wrong?” She searched his face. Her heart raced from just being so close to him. She would miss him every day for the rest of her life.
