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He paused and looked lost for a moment. Under any other circumstances she would have felt sorry for him. A stricken look had come over his face and he straightened as if he were ready to go to battle. “But I’ll have you know I don’t lightly invite people into my life or my girls’. I took a chance with you.”
If she’d let herself admit it, she knew she wanted what Cody offered. All of it. But she couldn’t take it. History told her that it would be snatched from her just when she started to feel secure. She couldn’t take that chance. Stacey’s voice softened. “I know you did. Only because you knew I would soon be leaving.”
* * *
Cody had had enough. What had started out as a job offer had turned into an ugly personal argument. “All I’m saying is that if you take my job offer then we could explore what’s between us. Maybe I could let go some, trust more. Trust you. But you’d have to stop running. Could you do that? Let me in enough that you could trust me not to leave you? Look around you. You’ve made friends here, have a job you say you love. The girls and I are here. Why can’t you accept you’re good enough to deserve all of that?”
“Maybe because I’ve never felt wanted before and I don’t know how to handle it!”
Cody stepped closer to her. There was a plea in his voice when he said, “I could help you.”
“Yeah. I know how that goes. You’d have me around until I do something you don’t think is right. Then you’d not want me anymore. You’d leave me or I’d have to leave!” She shook her head as if she was trying to dislodge the past. “No, I can’t. I won’t go through that again. I won’t be left behind again. Ever.”
“I would never do that to you.” Cody reached for her but she backed away, out of touching distance.
If she allowed him to touch her, she’d never be able to leave. “You left your wife. Why wouldn’t you leave me?”
Air whistled from Cody as if he had just been sucker-punched. “I stayed to the bitter end. I didn’t want to give up. I was just left no choice.”
“You say I ran away. But you have run in your own way as much as I have. You’ve moved all the way across the country to get away.”
“To protect my children. My move from California was different from hopping from place to place around the world because you’re scared to give anyone or anyplace a chance.”
Stacey scowled at him. “That’s not true.”
He cocked his head and gave her a narrowed-eyed look. “Are you sure about that? Are you happy with your life? Being alone all the time?”
She flinched.
“You do know you don’t have to go.” He let the words sink in.
She stepped toward him. “I have already made a commitment.”
He met her glare head on. “Yeah, but I also offered you one here. With me.” That sounded too close to a proposal.
“To be your nurse and your night-time booty call whenever the girls happen to be elsewhere. Sounds like the perfect life for you.”
That time she’d cut him to the core. Even to him it sounded one-sided. Sleazy and self-centered.
“Daddy, why’re you and Stacey fighting?” came Lizzy’s small voice from the doorway.
She and Cody whirled in her direction in shock. He hoped Lizzy hadn’t heard Stacey’s last statement.
Stacey went down on one knee and brought Lizzy into her arms. “Your daddy and I were just talking. I was telling him it’s time for me to go now.” She looked over Lizzy’s shoulder at Cody. “How about a big hug before I do?”
Lizzy had a sad little smile on her face.
“Bye, sweetheart.” Stacey pulled her close.
Standing, Stacey moved toward the back door. “I’m going to speak to Jean on the way out. Bye, Cody.” She gave him a little wave.
His lips drew into a thin line and he closed his eyes. When he opened them she was gone.
CHAPTER TEN
CODY HAD BEEN working through his pain and loneliness. Not well, but he tried. The days since Stacey had left had been long and seemingly endless as the ocean he spent too much time looking out at. The nights made the days feel short and sweet. Without Stacey next to him he couldn’t rest. When he did sleep, he dreamed of her. He was just existing and didn’t know how to come out of the fog. His heart was broken and Stacey was the only cure.
The day she had left and his back door had closed between them he’d been confident that all the joy in his life had gone out that door with her. He’d not been wrong.
Nothing about living whilst being deprived of Stacey was easy. In fact, it made what he’d lived through earlier in his life seem stress-free. He was tied in a knot with no idea how to unsnarl it. Somehow he had to recover from Stacey. Help his girls do so as well.
