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The corner of Adam’s mouth flickered and she stood up, embarrassed. She felt uncomfortable playing with children in front of an audience because she knew she wasn’t good at it, although it had to be said that Ruby had been adorably forgiving of her lack of talent.
It’s okay, Aunty Hannah. I know you didn’t mean to do it wrong—
Still, having Adam witness her inadequacy in the childcare department right before she told him she was pregnant wasn’t great timing.
Or maybe it was. At least it should be patently obvious to him why she was nervous.
She followed him to the bedroom and closed the door behind them. “You’ve been working on the proposal?”
“It’s done. I thought you’d like to check it.” He glanced at her. “I bet if we were to switch the lights off, you’d glow in the dark. I particularly like the pink ribbon. I hope that’s a look you’re going to bring back to New York with you.”
“My face is itching from all the makeup, but I don’t want to take it off.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to offend Melly. She’s very proud of her work.”
He studied her for a moment. “I’m telling myself that you’re playing with your nieces because that’s what you want to do, and not because you’re trying to avoid me. You still haven’t told me why you came home early, or why you lied about Posy being ill.” He put his hands on her shoulders. “Is this because I pushed our relationship too hard? Does me telling you I love you make you uncomfortable?”
It was so much more complicated than that.
He let go of her. “I shouldn’t have come. It wasn’t fair on you. I should have called first, but whenever I call, there’s either no signal or you don’t pick up. I’m a person who, if their route is blocked, takes a different route. You know that about me. It was driving me crazy not being able to see you and talk to you, so after I spoke to Posy, it seemed like the right thing to do.” He walked to the window and stared at the sunless sky and the swirl of threatening gray. “It’s wild out there. Will your sister be all right?”
Right now she wasn’t thinking about Posy, she was thinking about him.
Was it really fair to tell him she was pregnant while he was here, surrounded by her family? There was no neutrality here. No comfortable way of him extracting himself from what could be a hideously awkward situation.
“Posy is good at what she does. She’s careful. So is Stewart.” Still, she felt a lurch of worry. Suzanne had been good at what she did, too. She’d been careful. “I’d better check on Suzanne. She’s going to be worried.”
He shifted his gaze from the view to her face. “Why do you call her Suzanne? I noticed that your sisters call her Mom.”
“It was my way of keeping some distance.”
“Why did you feel you needed to do that?”
She sat down on the bed. This part, at least, she could be honest about. While the wind battered the windows and shook the house, she told him all of it. How her father had always been impatient with her. How she’d felt they hadn’t wanted her. How she’d known she wasn’t the favorite.
“I didn’t have skills they admired.”
“I didn’t feel that they loved me, and if they didn’t love me, why would Suzanne?”
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nbsp; The words flowed surprisingly easily and he listened without interrupting, his gaze fixed on hers, while outside the wind lashed at the windows like a wild animal.
It was only when she finished talking that he spoke.
“You call her Suzanne because you were afraid of getting close to her?”
“It felt safer. Loving someone who doesn’t love you back hurts. And you can’t make someone love you.”
“You don’t think Suzanne loves you?”
“I know she does. But at the beginning I felt like a burden. When you’ve spent a lifetime guarding yourself, it’s hard to change.”
“You guard yourself with me, too. And I’ve put extra pressure on you by being here. Go and talk to Suzanne, Hannah. She’s going to be worried sick about Posy and Stewart. Your dad.”
There was so much more to say, but she had no idea how to say it, so she left the room.
