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Ruby’s curls bounced as she nodded, and Beth felt a rush of despair.
No one wanted her to do this. Her kids didn’t want it, and her husband didn’t want it.
She waited, braced for Jason to say he wanted her to be home, too.
“You know how Daddy goes to work in the morning?”
“You take your coat and your bag. You have important things to do. And you’re always talking on your phone.”
“Right. And when we get back to New York, Mommy is going to start working, like Daddy does.”
Ruby looked confused. “Why?”
“Because Mommy isn’t only good at looking after you, she’s good at a lot of other things. Mommy loves you very much, but there are things she wants to do, too. Things that are important to her.”
“We’re important.” Ruby’s voice was wobbly, but Jason’s was steady as a rock.
“You are. But a person can have more than one important thing in their lives. We’re a family, which means we don’t only think about ourselves, we think about the other people in that family.”
“Will she still play with me?”
“Of course she’ll play with you. She loves playing with you. She just might not play with you every minute of every day, that’s all. And you’re going to be spending longer at school with your friends.”
Ruby pondered on that. “But who will pick me up from school?”
“We’ll have to figure that out as we go along, but someone will, so you don’t need to worry about that. If Mommy isn’t there, then Nana Butler or I will be there.”
“You lost Bugsy.” Ruby’s tone suggested she considered him the least reliable of the available options.
“That’s true. I did lose Bugsy. And if this was a performance review, I’d hold up my hands and admit I made a mistake.”
“What’s a performance review?”
“It’s when someone gets feedback on how good they are at doing things. And when it comes to caring for you and Melly, I know there are things I could have done better.”
“Like not losing Bugsy.”
“Not losing Bugsy is right at the top of the list. Part of the problem is that your mommy is so good at things, that no matter how well I do it’s never going to be as good as her.”
Tears pricked Beth’s eyes.
“But here’s the thing.” Jason pulled Ruby onto his lap and wrapped his arms round her. “Whatever you do in life, whether it’s being a firefighter or an astronaut or a mommy, if you practice, you can get better at it. And that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to practice so next time you give me a performance review it’s a good one.”
Ruby thought about it. “You’re not as good at things as Mommy, but I still like you.”
There was a pause. “That’s good—” Jason’s voice was rough “—because I like you, too.”
Beth leaned her head against the wall and closed her eyes. The lump in her throat was so huge she wasn’t sure she’d be able to speak.
At what point was she going to admit that she wasn’t enjoying the work as much as she’d thought she would?
She’d wanted this so badly, but now she wasn’t sure if it was the right thing for her after all.
17
Suzanne
“Five days! I’ve been in bed for five days.” Suzanne swung her legs out of bed and then paused as the room spun.
