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“Sometimes they drive me insane.”
“I know, but even in your lowest moments, have you ever wished you didn’t have sisters?”
“No.” She didn’t even need to think about that one. “They understand me. We’ve shared the same experiences, and that binds you together in a way that nothing else does.”
“Even though none of you talk about it.”
“We don’t want to talk about it, and each of us understands that. It doesn’t need explaining or excusing. And it isn’t just the accident that binds us. It’s a hundred other small things that seem like nothing on their own, but together make up a history.”
Jason nodded. “I envy you. I envy that the three of you share that history. It’s only at Christmas that we all come together, but I always see it. Even when you fight, there’s an intimacy to it. It isn’t a fight any other three people could have. You have this whole secret life and connection that no one else is part of. And yes, friends can be like family, but they’re not family and with family you try that little bit harder. Look at you and Hannah—she drives you crazy, but have you ever been tempted to give up on her?”
Beth swallowed. “No. I’m incredibly proud of her. She is so smart. And even if she wasn’t smart, I’d still be proud of her. She’s my sister.”
He stroked her hair back from her face and tucked it under her hat. “And that’s what I want for our girls. When we’re old and wrinkled and causing problems, I want them to be able to call each other and say Do you know what our parents said today? I want them to support each other.”
“I want that, too. And I think they will. Although they’re different and they sometimes fight, the girls are close.”
“You’ve encouraged them to be kind to each other, to care about each other. You’ve knitted our family together like glue.” He took a deep breath. “And that glue isn’t going to fail if you go back to work. So if that’s what you want, then you should definitely do it.”
“What about another baby?”
“After caring for the two I already have, I’ve been rethinking that. As you gathered from our daughter’s frank revelations, when it comes to parenting, I’m a failure. You should fire me.”
“I don’t think you’re a failure.”
“I lost Bugsy.”
“That was a misdemeanor, not a fireable offense. Oh, Jason—” She stood on tiptoe and locked her arms round his neck.
“I’ve been thinking about what it was like when you were in the delivery room.” He wrapped his arms round her tightly. “All that panic. I’m not sure I want to go through that again. I think I was having my own little midlife crisis. I guess once you acknowledge that you’ve had your last child, you know your life is going to enter a different phase and I wasn’t ready to accept that.”
“And now?”
“I love the way our family is. I love you. I don’t want anything different.”
Beth felt nothing but relief. “I love you, too.” She eased away. “I’m never going to be wrinkled by the way. That’s not going to happen. Nor is gray hair.”
“I think I saw one.” Jason tugged off her hat and she shrieked and made a grab for it.
“My ears will freeze. And if you point out my gray hairs, I’m divorcing you.”
“Don’t ever divorce me.” He pulled her into his arms and kissed her, his mouth warm and skilled on hers. “I love you, Beth McBride.”
“I’m Butler.”
“You are.” He smiled against her lips. “And you’re staying that way.” He took her hand and they carried on walking round the lake, content in each other’s company.
“We don’t spend enough time just the two of us.”
“Agreed.” His hand tightened on hers. “We’ll do more of it.”
It felt like a fresh start, standing here surrounded by such breathtaking beauty, planning for the future.
“It’s lovely being able to leave the girls with family, knowing they’re safe. And that’s what we need to put in place back home. Reliable childcare. If your mother will help, then when I’m at work I can focus on what I’m doing without worrying about the children.”
She wouldn’t be one of those mothers who constantly felt torn in all directions. All it required was organization. Juggling. She’d have clear work time and family time. She pictured herself giving interviews to some of the glossy magazines on how she balanced career and family. In her head she staged the photos. The children would be sitting at the kitchen table writing stories or filling in their scrapbooks, a plate of healthy snacks within reach. Sliced apple and carrot. Maybe celery sticks. Beth’s laptop would be closed on the counter, proving that when she was in family mode, it was all about her children. If her phone rang, she’d let it go to voice mail because listening to her children meant giving them her full attention.
She thought about the details as they walked back to the house.
