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‘Last night should never have happened. I was tired and emotional. I told you things that I’ve never shared with anyone and I probably shouldn’t have said it to you but…’ She tried to look away from him but he caught her chin in gentle fingers so that she was forced to look at him.
‘Are you saying that I took advantage of you?’
‘No.’ She shook her head. ‘I’m saying that I needed comfort and you—’ She broke off and he sighed.
‘Miranda, last night wasn’t about comfort. Comfort was the box of tissues and the hug I gave you in the kitchen. Comfort was the hot chocolate that you didn’t drink before you went to bed. What we shared last night had nothing whatsoever to do with comfort. It was hot sex and you know it.’
Memories heated her body and she closed her eyes tightly, trying to block it out and return to reality. The reality of her life. ‘For goodness’ sake, Jake—’
‘Stop right there.’ He put his fingers over her mouth. ‘If this is this is the part where you remind me that you’re pregnant, I don’t want to hear it. I haven’t forgotten that fact, angel. I love the fact that you’re pregnant and I’m waiting for you to say that you’ll marry me so that I can spend the next few weeks getting used to the idea of finally being a father. I’m aiming to be that ridiculously perfect dad that you’ve always dreamed about. I’m ready to adopt the baby as my own. I’m ready to love it as my own, if you’ll let me.’
Miranda lay there, staring temptation in the face. She loved him, she knew that without a doubt. She loved him for the man he was. But nothing changed the fact that she was having another man’s child.
And she, better than anyone, understood the implications of that.
‘It would always come between us,’ she whispered, ‘if not now, then later. He or she might be naughty and you’d be fed up.’
His mouth tightened and she saw a flash of anger in his eyes. ‘Let’s get one thing straight right now—I’m not your stepfather and I never will be. Neither am I the man who fathered your baby, which I’m actually glad about because he doesn’t sound like much of a human being. I love you, Miranda, and I love the baby, too, because it’s part of you. And that love is unconditional. Family life isn’t always smooth and doesn’t come with guarantees, I know that. And all children are naughty sometimes, that’s what childhood is all about. And I’m sure that sometimes I will get fed up because I’m human just like you, but I’m never going to regret being a father to the baby, I’m not going to bail out, if that’s what worries you, and I’m not going to hit anyone. Unless someone threatens a member of my family, that isn’t my style.’
She knew from the dangerous gleam in his eyes that he was thinking about her landlord and something shifted inside her. He’d defended her.
‘I know it seems simple to you, but I can’t risk it, Jake.’ She squeezed her eyes tightly shut, unable to watch the pain in his eyes. She told herself that she was doing them both a favour. She was saving three people from greater hurt. ‘We should never have done what we did last night because now our relationship is awkward. I’ll move out. I should have found somewhere long ago but it was so comfortable here and…’ And she’d loved being with Jake. She left the words unspoken and rose out of bed, determined to make it to the bathroom before she made a fool of herself.
She seemed to spend her entire life crying at the moment, she reflected as she bolted the door behind her and sank down onto the edge of the bath.
She was doing the right thing, she knew she was.
But if she was doing the right thing, why did it feel so hard?
CHAPTER TEN
OVER the next week or two, the weather grew colder still and Miranda found it impossible to feel anything but tired and miserable.
She thought she’d be relieved to give up work but once she did she found that she missed the friendship of her colleagues on the labour ward. She felt as though she’d made lifetime friends. For the first time in her life she felt as though she was home.
But home was becoming a touchy subject.
She couldn’t carry on living with Jake so she’d been desperately scouring the local paper for flats. She’d found one that would have been all right, but the landlord had said that it wasn’t available until the spring and she couldn’t wait that long. She needed somewhere now.
At this rate she was going to be living with Jake when the baby arrived, she thought as she trawled through the paper once again for possibilities.
Not that he made things awkward. On the contrary, he was extremely kind to her but somehow that just made it worse.
She was drinking coffee and summoning up the energy to go and see a small flat a mile away from Jake’s house when there was a knock on the door.
She opened it to find Christy standing there with a basket in her hand.
‘I’m playing Little Red Riding Hood,’ she said cheerfully, handing Miranda the basket and walking past her into the house. ‘I was baking with my daughter Katy this morning and we thought you might like some. I remember what it was like when I was almost due. I was starving hungry
but I couldn’t summon up the energy to cook anything. There’s bread, scones, some cheese from the deli and some chutney we made last summer from the apples in our garden.’
Miranda carried the basket through to the kitchen. ‘That’s really kind of you.’
‘Not that kind.’ Christy shrugged off her coat and dropped it over the chair. ‘I actually had an ulterior motive for coming here. Can I put the kettle on?’
‘Help yourself.’ Miranda put the basket on the table and looked at her warily. ‘What’s your ulterior motive?’
For a moment Christy didn’t answer and her back was towards Miranda so it was impossible to read her face. She filled the kettle and then she turned. ‘I’m worried about Jake.’
