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It was late the following afternoon when Jake walked up to the side room. In his arms were a teddy bear and a huge bunch of flowers.
This, he decided as he put a hand on the door and steeled himself to open it, was going to be one of the hardest five minutes of his life.
He was going to deliver the flowers, say all the things he was expected to say and then just get out as fast as he could, hopefully before he made a complete and utter fool of himself.
Taking a deep breath, he pushed open the door and walked into the room, a smile pinned on his face. The smile faded instantly when he saw that the room was empty.
And then he heard a faint gurgle coming from the cot by the bed and he realised that the room wasn’t empty at all. The baby was in the cot. But there was no sign of Miranda.
Wondering why he was intent on torturing himself, he stepped over to the cot and stared down.
The baby lay with her eyes closed, her tiny mouth moving in her sleep.
Jake felt his heart twist. ‘Hi, there.’ His voice was soft as he reached down and touched her cheek. ‘It’s nice to meet you properly.’
Miranda paused in the doorway of her bathroom, her eyes on Jake.
He obviously didn’t realise she was in the room and he was talking to the baby. Touching her.
‘I didn’t get a good look at you yesterday,’ he was saying softly, a gentle look in his eyes as he leaned over the cot. ‘I was too busy worrying about your mum.’
Miranda frowned. He’d been worried about her? He certainly hadn’t seemed worried.
The baby gurgled sleepily and Jake smiled. ‘You’re going to make your mum very happy. Which is a good thing, because it’s what she deserves.’
‘Jake?’ Miranda stepped into the room and he turned to face her, his eyes suddenly wary.
‘I didn’t know you were there.’
‘I was using the bathroom.’ She looked at him. ‘I—I heard what you said. I didn’t know you were worried about me.’
He gave a faint smile. ‘You were eavesdropping on a private conversation.’
‘Why were you worried? You’re a brilliant obstetrician and I’ve never known you worry about anyone before.’
He stared at her for a long moment and then he gave a humourless laugh. ‘I’ve never been called on to deliver the baby of the woman I love before. Believe me, it’s e
ntirely different. Objectivity flies out of the window. I was scared to death.’
Her heart fluttered in her chest. ‘The woman you love?’
He shook his head and gave a weary smile. ‘I can’t argue this with you again, Miranda.’ He handed her the flowers and put the teddy bear down on the bed. ‘These are for you. I know you’ll be coming home later, but everyone needs flowers when they’re in hospital. And now I ought to go. I have a clinic and—’
‘The clinic can wait.’ She clutched the flowers against her chest, her breathing unsteady. ‘You haven’t told me that you love me since that night we made love. And yesterday, when the baby was born, you hardly looked at her. I assumed that I’d ruined everything. That you’d changed your mind. About her and about me.’
He was silent for a moment and then he ran a hand over the back of his neck, visibly tense. ‘Does it really make any difference how I feel, Miranda?’
‘Actually, yes, it does.’ Her voice cracked and she found herself hoping that the baby wouldn’t wake up for a few minutes. There were things that she needed to say, things that were so difficult for her she couldn’t risk being interrupted.
But Jake spoke first. ‘All right. I wasn’t going to say this now. Giving birth is an emotional time for a woman and I wanted to give you some space, but I may as well be honest. You’re right when you said that I didn’t look at the baby. I didn’t. And the reason for that was that I didn’t dare. I knew that if I looked at her, all attempts at being one step removed and functioning as an obstetrician would fly out of the window. You gave birth very quickly, Miranda.’ His tone was quiet and serious. ‘No end of things could have gone wrong and I wanted to make sure that they didn’t. I couldn’t afford the distraction.’
‘And that’s why you seemed so detached? Uninterested?’
He walked across to the window and stared out across the hospital car park. ‘I wasn’t uninterested.’
‘What then?’
‘It was self-protection.’ He turned. ‘Because if I’d looked at the baby then I would have fallen in love with her and I can’t afford to do that. It’s bad enough losing you, without losing her as well.’
