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He didn’t smile. He was too focused on me. ‘I was ready to ask you out when you started going out with Charlie.’
Sound and people washed past me. I was oblivious to all of them. ‘You were?’
‘I told you I was ready to cross the room and talk to you, but I wasn’t fast enough and for that I had to suffer watching you with him for ten long months. And then I had to watch you afterwards, coping with the fact he’d screwed your friend.’ A muscle flickered in his jaw. ‘Seeing you with him was like watching a car crash in slow motion. I just wanted to push you out of the way before you were crushed by it.’
‘Nico—’
‘He undermined you at every possible opportunity. That night in the restaurant when he put you down in front of everyone—’ His voice was thick with anger and I wondered how I could ever have thought him cool and controlled. With me he was anything but.
‘He didn’t like me talking about work,’ I muttered. ‘He found it boring, especially on a night out.’
‘Hayley, you threatened him. He wanted to be with someone who made him feel bigger, not an equal. He put you down and instead of bouncing up you stayed down. He stopped you being you.’
It was true. ‘But that was my fault. I was trying to make it work.’
‘How can a relationship work if you don’t like each other as you really are? How can that sort of relationship be anything but false?’
It was a fair question. ‘I was surprised you agreed to be his best man.’
‘Why do you think I did that, Hayley?’ There was something in his voice I didn’t understand. An urgency that made no sense. ‘Charlie and I have barely spoken since that night he got drunk and I drove you home.’
‘Then why—’
‘I agreed because he told me you were a bridesmaid. At first I didn’t believe him. I couldn’t believe they’d asked you to do that and I couldn’t believe you’d agreed.’
I shifted awkwardly. ‘You were worried I’d screw it up for them?’
‘No. I was worried you’d be very hurt.’ His jaw was tight. ‘I was worried you’d fall apart at the wedding and need someone to look out for you. I was there because of you.’
I felt a lump in my throat. ‘Me?’
‘You asked why I agreed to be best man. That’s why. You were the reason.’
‘You—’ I gulped. ‘You kept looking at me throughout the ceremony. I thought you disapproved.’
‘Cristo—’ He dragged his fingers through his hair, exasperated. ‘I was watching you to make sure you were all right. How could you not have known that? I was afraid you would fall apart.’
‘I fell apart in a big way.’
‘I must admit I hadn’t expected it to be quite that literal.’ His eyes gleamed. ‘You looked so horrified I just wanted to get you out of there.’
‘I’ve been checking YouTube for the video,’ I confessed. ‘There has to be one.’
‘There was. But no one is going to upload it, I made sure of that.’
‘You did? How?’
He stroked his thumb slowly over my lower lip. ‘Let’s just say I used lawyerly intimidation.’
I felt weak with relief. ‘I knew there had to be a reason why no one had posted it. I had no idea it was you. You—you said I made bad decisions.’
‘Dating Charlie was a bad decision. Agreeing to be their bridesmaid was worse.’
And I’d had no idea that was how he felt. But suddenly I was seeing it all differently. The way Rosie had seen it. ‘You were always there when I needed someone. You gave me your jacket, you drove me home when Charlie was drunk and acted like a dickhead, you gave me multiple orgasms when I thought I was going to die of frustration—’
‘I want so much more than your thanks.’ He cupped my face in his hands and my heart was pounding so hard I was surprised people couldn’t hear it over the music.
‘You do?’
