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His mouth moved into a slow smile. ‘I didn’t say I wanted a relationship,’ he murmured softly. ‘That might be more complicated. I’m just talking about sex.’
‘Oh—yes, of course.’ Suddenly flustered, Evanna struggled for the right thing to say. ‘Well, I think that—that it’s fine. Whatever works for you. More than anyone, you deserve happiness, Logan.’ Despite the darkness, she could feel him watching her.
‘You’re so sweet. And generous.’ His voice was soft and his hand held hers firmly. ‘You never judge, do you?’
She mustn’t mind that he thought she was sweet. Sweet was a compliment, she told herself firmly. ‘What is there to judge?’
‘Plenty of people would.’
‘And does that bother you?’
He gave a soft laugh. ‘What do you think?’
‘I think that you’ve never minded what people say about you. You’ve always done your own thing and, frankly, that’s the only way to be able to live on an island this size. So what’s the problem?’ She tried to put her own feelings aside and respond in the way that she would have done had she not been emotionally involved. ‘Is there someone you like? Someone special? Obviously there must be, or you wouldn’t have suddenly started thinking about … sex.’ She tried to sound relaxed, as if conversations about sex were an everyday occurrence for her. He wanted to talk about it, she told herself, and she should allow him that. It was the least she could do.
The darkness of the garden folded over them, creating an atmosphere of intimacy that seemed to mock her. Here she was, lying in the darkness, on a perfect summer’s evening, holding hands with the man she loved while he told her about another woman that interested him.
‘Maybe. I don’t know. I’m in dangerous territory.’
‘Because you feel guilty about Catherine?’
‘Strangely enough, no. I don’t feel guilty. I probably should, but I don’t. If there’s one thing that I learned from Catherine, it’s that life is to be lived.’
‘That’s true.’ Evanna smiled. ‘She was a very adventurous person. A bit wild. If she were standing here now, she’d probably just want to know why it’s taken you so long. So, if you don’t feel guilty and you’re not worried about what anyone thinks, why is it dangerous territory? What’s holding you back?’
He was looking at her and he still hadn’t let go of her hand. ‘Because I’m not sure that the woman in question is interested in me.’
‘Logan MacNeil, I never heard such nonsense! Women have been falling over you since you first learned to walk. And you’ve never been one to hold back! Just ask her!’
‘You think I should ask a woman for sex?’
Evanna laughed to hide her embarrassment. ‘I think you might need to be a little more subtle than that or someone might slap your face.’
‘So what should I do?’
Just smile, she wanted to say. That’s all it would take in her case. One smile and she’d be his for ever. ‘Give her one of your hot looks! I don’t know, you’re the expert,’ she mumbled. ‘If ever a man knew how to put the moves on a woman, it was you. There were more broken hearts in our school than in a coronary care unit.’
He smiled at her analogy. ‘That was a long time ago. In my wild, reckless youth.’
Despite the humour in his tone, she decided not to point out that he’d still been breaking hearts up to the day before he’d met Catherine, which had only been two years previously. ‘Well, I’m sure it’s like riding a bicycle,’ Evanna joked weakly. ‘Just get back out there. Go for it. There are no end of possible candidates. Loads of women who aren’t your patients. Polly in the pub. She’s very pretty. Or Mary Simon, who helps Meg in the café. Any woman would want to be asked out by you.’
He didn’t release her hand. ‘Would they?’
His thigh was pressed hard against hers.
‘Of course.’ His features seemed dark and unfamiliar and she swallowed hard. ‘What do you think?’
It was a moment before he answered. ‘I think that sometimes when something is incredibly familiar, we don’t always notice it. We think something is a certain way and then suddenly we discover that we were entirely wrong. And that takes some adjustment.’
He was talking in riddles. Her eyes slid to the empty bottle on the ground but it was a small bottle and there was only the one so it couldn’t be that. And, anyway, she hadn’t known Logan to drink to excess since that one occasion on the beach on his seventeenth birthday when she and Kyla had spent an entire night holding his head over a bowl while he’d been sick. ‘You think Polly and Mary don’t notice you? Because I can tell you now that they—’
‘I’m not talking about Polly or Mary.’ His gaze was steady on hers and her stomach performed a series of elaborate acrobatics.
Determined not to read something into his words that wasn’t there, she kept her tone matter-of-fact. ‘Well, if you’re suggesting that people see you as a widower and not as a man, I don’t think that’s true, Logan. If you’re interested in someone then you should just go for it.’
‘You think so? You think I should go for it?’
‘Definitely.’ She ignored the new surge of misery that flooded through her veins. Here she was, advising the man she loved to go out and find another woman. But he deserved happiness and so did Kirsty. And he deserved a sex life. But it was impossible not to feel envious of the woman who was going to find herself burning up the sheets with Logan. ‘Find the right moment and go for it.’
