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She swallowed. Not to anyone would she confess that when she sang, she wasn’t in a seedy club. She was up there, singing for an enraptured crowd of thousands. ‘Sometimes dreaming can make things worse.’
‘Dreaming can drive you forwards.’
‘Dreaming can emphasise the gap between hopes and reality.’
‘Then make the dream your reality!’ His eyes were two dangerous slits and Jessie looked at him uncertainly, shaken by the barely leashed anger she sensed in him.
‘I don’t understand why you’re so upset.’
‘I don’t understand why you’re not more upset,’ he countered in an aggressive tone. ‘Don’t you ever feel angry with Johnny for leaving you in this situation?’
Jessie blinked rapidly, her hands balled into fists. ‘Yes,’ she whispered. ‘Sometimes I feel angry. And then I feel guilty, because I know a lot of it was my fault.’
Silvio’s face hardened. ‘None of it was your fault.’
‘You’re wrong.’ The words clogged her throat. She was torn between the u
rge to confide in him and the urge to walk away. ‘There was so much more I could have done. I made mistakes.’
‘We all made mistakes,’ Silvio said dismissively, unconsciously demonstrating the blistering confidence that had helped earn him millions. ‘And Johnny made the most mistakes of all.’
‘You have no right to blame him.’
‘I have every right.’ He prowled over to the window, turning his back to her, everything about him screaming tension. ‘He was selfish and weak and he should have taken better care of you. He behaved like a boy when he should have stood up and been a man.’
‘Well, not everyone is as tough as you are!’ She flung that observation at his back and saw his powerful shoulders tense.
‘You’re in this situation because of him. If I hadn’t come tonight—’ The words were cut off abruptly and he turned suddenly. ‘It ends now, Jessie, this life of yours. Let’s stop pretending you have a million options to choose from.’
She was frozen to the spot by his words. ‘You’re blaming Johnny for everything,’ she whispered, ‘just because he isn’t here to defend himself.’
‘I wish he were here.’ Silvio gave a vicious growl, his thick, dark lashes framing blazing eyes. ‘One of the things I regret most is that I didn’t make him face up to the truth.’
Jessie felt the colour drain from her face. ‘You were supposed to be his friend.’
‘If I’d been a better friend I would have forced him to remember his responsibilities instead of giving him what he asked for. I failed him. And do I regret that?’ His tone held the bitter notes of self-recrimination. ‘Yes, I do. More than you will ever know. But there’s something I regret even more than that, and that’s not reminding him of his duty to you. He should have protected you!’
‘He loved me.’ Instinctively leaping to her brother’s defence, Jessie backed away. ‘Johnny loved me.’
‘Sì, he loved you.’ Silvio’s tone was contemptuous. ‘He loved you the way that suited him, not the way that was best for you. But all that is going to change. You’re not going back to that life, Jess. It’s over. I should not have left you alone and from now on I’m doing what your brother should have done. I’m taking you away from that place. And if being with me makes you feel guilty, deal with it.’ He was merciless and unyielding and Jessie backed away a few more steps, her heart pounding.
‘I’m not your responsibility. I don’t want your help. I hate you.’ She glanced around the sumptuous apartment, feeling disloyal to Johnny just by being there. The contrast between this and the desolate place where he’d spent his last few hours was painful to think about. ‘Why would you even want to help me, knowing the way I feel about you?’
A muscle flickered in his lean cheek. ‘You lost your brother. I don’t blame you for the things you feel about me.’
It was emotion, and Silvio Brianza didn’t do emotion.
‘Well, I blame you, Silvio!’ Her voice shook with enough passion for both of them. ‘You gave him the money. Without that he wouldn’t have been able to do it.’
His eyes darkened and he seemed about to say something, but then changed his mind. ‘I know what I did.’ His tone was flat. Neutral. He made no attempt to dodge her accusations or excuse himself. ‘And I know you blame me.’
‘Is that why you’re helping me? Guilt? I thought you never looked back. I thought you always look forward.’
He took so long to answer that she wondered if he’d heard her question.
And then he inhaled slowly. ‘I’ve already lost him,’ he breathed. ‘I won’t lose you, too. That’s looking forward.’
His words sent a shiver of awareness through her body and a deep, heavy sadness because she knew they’d lost each other years before.
