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‘I didn’t do it to punish you. I did it because I decided I was better on my own. Safer.’
His hands lifted to her shoulders and she felt the strength in them as they tightened. ‘Safer?’
‘I was protecting myself.’
That admission drew a frown from him. ‘From me?’ ‘From hurt. It’s instinctive.’
‘I know. I’ve learned that about you. But I wish you’d just shouted at me instead of walking out. I wish you’d lost your temper and told me how you felt.’
‘Telling you wouldn’t have changed anything. I didn’t leave because I was angry with you. I left because I knew I couldn’t trust you again. I didn’t dare.’ She felt the tension ripple through his hard frame and he pulled her closer, the contact sending a spasm of awareness through her body. The physical side of their relationship had clouded everything else and it was having that same effect now. And she knew he was feeling it too because when he spoke his voice was raw and rough.
‘And now? Are you willing to take that chance?’ ‘I don’t know.’
‘Because you don’t trust me not to let you down again or because of the children thing?’
‘Both. You want children. That’s a fact. We talked about it often and your mother asked me on a daily basis when I was going to give you babies.’ Laurel tried to pull away from him but he gave a rough curse and pulled her back into the curve of his arms, resting his chin on her head.
‘Mi dispiace, I’m sorry. That was insensitive of her and I had no idea. I will speak to her.’
‘It’s what she wants for you.’ Her voice was muffled against his chest and he held her, oblivious to the tourists strolling past them. They watched with idle curiosity, no doubt wondering what the spectacularly handsome Sicilian man was saying to the dark haired girl in his arms.
‘Let’s just deal with the whole children thing right now because it is clouding the real issue here. Answer me something honestly—’ Gently, he stroked her hair away from her face. ‘If it had been me who couldn’t have children would you have left me?’
‘Of course not!’ It was a reasonable question but she knew it wasn’t the relevant one. ‘It isn’t the same.’
‘It’s exactly the same.’
‘No. It’s more complicated than that.’ Although she could have stayed like that for ever, she eased away because this was a conversation that needed to be completed. ‘Perhaps it’s easier for me because I didn’t grow up dreaming of families and children. I didn’t have those ambitions. I suppose I just didn’t believe in happy endings. But you did.’
‘I wouldn’t describe it as an ambition. More of an assumption. And if you think that what you just told me would change the way I feel about you then you truly have no idea how much I love you.’ His voice was decidedly unsteady. ‘Which means I still have a great deal to prove.’
‘I don’t want you to jump through hoops, Cristiano—’ This time she did pull away from him. ‘I don’t even know if we have a future together. You’re asking me to take a leap of faith and I’m not sure I can do that, especially after what I’ve just told you. It’s huge.’
‘Compared to losing you, it’s minuscule.’
She didn’t know whether it was his husky voice or the look in his eyes, but the tense little knot inside her unravelled and she realised that no matter what she said or did she would always love this man and the depth of that love would always make her vulnerable.
‘It’s not just you.’ Admitting it was hard. ‘It’s me. I’m just not good at relationships. I’m not sure if I can give you what you want from me.’
‘Because of what I did to you two years ago? Or because of what someone else did to you years before that?’ His gentle tone smoothed the edges of the blunt words, his gaze fixed on hers as he broached a subject she’d carefully dodged for the whole time they’d been together. ‘Yes, I behaved badly and you have every right to be angry with me but your trust issues didn’t begin with me.’
And he was right, of course. Her trust issues, her refusal to depend on others, had begun years before she’d met him. They were fossilised into the foundations of who she was.
When she didn’t answer, he sighed. ‘I know your life was hell as a child and that you learned never to trust anyone, but I’m telling you that you can trust me. I messed up, but that wasn’t because I didn’t love you. I was crazy about you. I adored every independent inch of you. Yes, I made a bad judgement but even that wasn’t quite as straightforward as it see
med because the situation was complicated. Now stop thinking and worrying and let’s just go home and spend some time together.’ Lacing his fingers into hers, he led her back onto the main street that led towards Piazza Sant’Antonio.
‘By “spend some time together” I assume you mean have sex.’
‘That wasn’t what I meant. That’s the one area of our relationship that has never needed any attention.’ He paused to kiss her, indifferent to whoever might have been watching, the touch of his mouth a sensual reminder of what they’d shared the night before.
Her head spun and she wondered dimly whether this whole thing would have been easier if the sexual attraction between them hadn’t been so extraordinarily powerful.
‘I can’t think when you do that.’
‘Good.’ His slumberous gaze moved to her mouth. ‘You think far too much.’
Right now all she could think about was sex. And she could tell by the way those heavy-lidded eyes darkened that he was thinking the same thing. In fact she knew he was because when she started to move he caught her hips and pulled a face.
