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It was like pulling the pin out of a hand grenade.
Erupting with a violence that was new to her, Holly lifted a hand and slapped him hard. ‘How dare you tell me I should be thinking about the baby? I think of nothing else!’ Sobbing with fury and outrage, she backed away from him, his stunned expression blurring as tears pricked her eyes. ‘From the moment I discovered I was pregnant the baby is the only thing I’ve been thinking of. When you turned up at the flat, that day you were horrid to me, I spent two weeks going round and round in circles trying to work out what to do for the best, but I decided that, as this is your baby, marrying you was the right thing to do. Even when you told me that you believe you’re infertile I didn’t panic, because I know it isn’t true and sooner or later you’re going to know that too. Then you told me that you couldn’t ever love me and that hurt—’ Her voice cracked. ‘Yes, it hurt, but I made myself accept it because I kept reminding myself that it isn’t me that matters. But when you said you didn’t know if you could love our baby—’
‘Holly.’ His voice was tight. ‘You have to calm down—’
‘Don’t tell me to calm down! Antonia did a dreadful thing to you. Really dreadful. But that isn’t our baby’s fault. And now I don’t know what to do.’ She paced the floor, so agitated that she couldn’t keep still. ‘What sort of a mother would I be if I stayed with a man who can’t love his own child? I always thought that the only thing that mattered was to have a father. But is it worse to grow up with a father who doesn’t love you? I don’t know, and maybe I’ve done the wrong thing by marrying you, maybe I am a bad mother, but don’t ever accuse me of not thinking about our baby!’
Casper muttered something in Italian and ran a hand over the back of his neck, tension visible in every angle of his powerful frame. ‘I did not say that you were a bad mother.’
‘But you implied it.’
‘Enough!’ It was a command, and Holly stilled, her legs trembling so much that she was almost relieved when he strode towards her and scooped her into his arms.
‘I hate you,’ she whispered, and then she burst into tears and buried her face in his shoulder.
‘Dio, you have to stop this, you’re making yourself ill. Ssh.’ He laid her gently on the bed and then lay down next to her and pulled her into his arms, ignoring her attempts to resist. ‘Calm down.’ He stroked her hair away from her face but Holly couldn’t stop crying.
‘I’m sorry I hit you. I’m sorry.’ Her breath was coming in jerks. ‘I’ve never hit anyone in my life before. It’s just that I so badly want you to love the baby. I need you to love it, Cas.’ She covered her face with her hands. ‘You don’t know what it’s like to have a father that doesn’t care. It makes you feel worthless. If your own father doesn’t love you, why should anyone else?’
He gave a soft curse, rolled her onto her back and lowered his body onto hers.
Then he gently removed her hands and wiped her face with the edge of the sheet.
‘Hush.’
Still crying, she pushed at his powerful chest. ‘Cas, don’t—’ But her protest was cut off by the demands of his mouth, and within seconds she could no longer remember why she hadn’t wanted him to kiss her.
The explosion of sexual excitement anaesthetised the turmoil in her brain and she kissed him back, her body responding to his.
Only when she was soft and compliant did Casper finally lift his head.
‘Don’t use sex like this,’ she moaned, and he gave a grim smile.
‘I was trying to stop you crying. Now it is my turn to talk,’ he said softly. ‘And you’re not going to interrupt.’ He wiped her damp cheeks with a sweep of his thumb. ‘I won’t make you false promises of love. I can’t do that, and it wouldn’t be fair to you because I will not lie. But I do promise you this.’ His dark eyes locked with hers, demanding her attention. ‘I promise that I will be a good father to the baby. I promise that I will not walk off and leave the child, as your father did to you. I promise that I will do everything in my power to make sure that the child grows up feeling secure and valued. I accepted responsibility for the child and I intend to fulfil that responsibility to the best of my ability.’
Numb, sodden with misery, Holly stared up at him. It wasn’t what she wanted, but it was a start. And, if he was prepared to do that for a child that he didn’t believe was his, perhaps once he discovered that he was the baby’s father then…
He’d coped with hurt by turning off his emotions. Maybe nothing could switch them back on again.
Her natural optimism flickered to life.
But she could hope.
‘Your favourite lunch, Your Highness. Pollo alla limone.’
‘Yum.’ Holly put down the letter she was writing. ‘Pietro, you have no idea how grateful I am that you decided to leave England and work here for a while. The whole of the palace must be rejoicing. Not that the other chefs weren’t brilliant, of course,’ she said hastily, and Pietro smiled as he placed a simple green salad next to the chicken.
‘I’m not cooking for the rest of the palace, madam. Just for you. Those were the prince’s orders.’
‘Really? I didn’t know that.’ Thinking of all the other thoughtful gestures the prince had made since that terrible afternoon when she’d hit him, something softened inside her. ‘He brought you all the way over here, for me?’
‘His Royal Highness is most concerned about your comfort and happiness. But so are we all. You and the bambino. You say jump, we say “off which cliff?”’ Pietro beamed as he lifted a jug. ‘Sicilian lemonade?’
‘Don’t even bother asking. You know I’m addicted.’ Smiling, Holly held out her glass to be filled. ‘So, are you happy here?’
‘Si, because to see you blooming with health gives me satisfaction. And when the baby comes no one will prepare his food except me! I have talked to the gardeners, and we are designing a special vegetable patch—all organic and grown in the Santallia sunshine.’
‘Puréed Santallian carrot—’ Taking a mouthful of chicken, Holly almost choked as she noticed Casper standing in the doorway.
