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Cassie thought of that long ago afternoon in the cave. Like Jenny, she had been the seductress.
“Please do not think me an immoral woman, Miss Brougham. But I wanted him so badly. He was ill and staying at my father’s house. Such a proper gentleman he was.” A smile lit up Jenny’s face. “Do you know that I drugged his wine? Even with opium lulling his mind, he protested. When I finally told him that I would give my virginity to a Hessian if he did not take me, he grinned in that special way of his, and then gave me such pleasure that I regretted not seducing him months before.” Jenny drew to a sudden halt. “I hope that I have not shocked you, it is just that—”
“You needn’t explain, Miss Lacy, I quite understand.” She thought of the pleasure she had known with the earl, and lowered her face so that Jenny would not see her eyes.
Jenny suddenly rose and paced about the room. She whirled about, misery filling her voice. “I want what is best for Edward. Dammit, you left him.”
“Through no fault of my own,” Cassie said quietly. “It is a very long and quite arduous story, Miss Lacy, and I would never think to bore you with it.”
What an elegant setdown, Jenny thought, and not delivered unkindly. She had tried to nurture fancies of Cassandra as a proud, willful girl, in the final summation a disagreeable witch. She had not been certain which would hurt more—to be right or wrong.
“What a wretched coil,” Jenny said. “Edward’s wretched honor forces him back to you. He has no choice.”
Choice. The earl had never given her a choice. Could Jenny be right? Would Edward marry her because there was naught else for him to do? She was on the point of asking Jenny why the devil she believed that Edward’s honor was his only motive for wishing to marry her. But she drew up short. Neither of them had spoken of love. She because she could not. Could Edward not? She tried to picture a future with Edward, but there was only the earl’s dark face in her mind. And the earl’s child in her womb.
Cassie said finally, “You wish me to give him up then. Go home to England.” She paused a moment. “You have known Edward for only months, Miss Lacy. I have known Edward all my life. We grew up together. The day before we were to be wed, I was kidnaped. Have you any idea what that was like, Miss Lacy?”
Jenny stared at her numbly.
“Kidnaped by a man I had known since I was a child, a man who wanted me because—” She could not repeat the story about her mother she had told Edward. She knew the earl loved her for herself. At least he had, before she had escaped him.
“What happened?”
“So very much.” The words were wrenched out of her, leaving her naked to herself. Cassie was trembling. She said brokenly, her hands covering her face, “Oh God, what is to be done? I was such a coward, such a blind fool. Are there never choices? Must we always follow stupid, meaningless dictums without regard to our feelings?”
“I wish that you were a bitch,” Jenny said. “It is I who am the bitch, selfish and thoughtless. It is just that I want Edward so very much.”
“You are very different from Edward.”
“Perhaps. Edward is gentle and very kind. But there is a streak of iron strength in him. I will never love another man as I love him.”
And I will never love another man as I love the earl.
Cassie rose slowly. “Edward will be back shortly, Miss Lacy. You must give me time to think.”
“It is all that I ask.”
“Good-bye, Miss Lacy.” Cassie took a white shapely hand into hers.
“Oh, incidentally,” Cassie said, halting Jenny in the open doorway, “do you particularly like to sail?”
Jenny looked taken aback. “Sail? No, not particularly. If you would know the truth, I have always preferred being the passenger, and not the one doing the work.”
“That is good,” Cassie said, a smile lighting her eyes.
Cassie wondered, as she wandered back into the sitting room, what Eliott would say when his sister arrived on his doorstep, unwed and her belly large with child.
Chapter 26
Although the yellow dimity curtains were drawn tight across the windows, the bedchamber was still uncomfortably cool as the early afternoon sun tried to break through the overcast.
Cassie lay on her side, her knees drawn up to her belly, clad only in her light muslin shift. The small luncheon she had managed to eat had not settled well, and now she felt drained and weak in the aftermath of having been ill. She moved her hand over her still flat belly, wondering if her violent retching could in any way harm the small babe in her womb. She remembered the many mornings the previous fall when she had returned to bed, pale and trembling, and the earl had gathered her in his arms and stroked her gently until her stomach had righted itself. Although she did not wish it, tears welled up in Cassie’s eyes and a soft, broken sob broke from her throat. She had never felt so alone and uncertain in her life. And she was still so far from her home. Over and over again, she thought about what she felt, about what she wondered if she had known even before Jennifer Lacy’s unexpected visit. She would not marry Edward, no matter her unborn child.
She thought of the man she loved, now a world away from her. It had been she who had allowed unreasoning anger and willful pride to destroy the bond that had grown between them. Even last fall when she had agreed to wed him, there would have been love between them. She knew, with helpless fury at herself, that she would have come to return the love he felt for her. If only he had allowed her freedom, allowed her to make her own choices. If only he had told her about Becky Petersham.
Cassie was locked so deeply into herself that she did not hear the outward door open and close. She felt a light hand upon her shoulder.
“Cass.”
