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I needed to prove I could do this, and I needed to push Oaklyn from my mind.
I would focus on Shannon and her beauty and let that guide me. Let that anchor me in the moment.
“That sounds nice.”
She smiled, not hearing the slight tremble I fought to mask.
I followed her out to her car, walking her to her door and got her address letting her know I’d meet her there.
When I got in my car, I did the breathing exercises I’d been doing since I was a teen. Giving myself positive affirmations. I could do this. I could go further than before. I could let her hands touch me and pleasure me without panicking.
My sweaty palms gripped the wheel tightly as I drove to her place. Once I’d pulled into the apartment complex, I waited a bit. Getting my heartbeat down to normal and thinking about Voyeur to amp up my desire and overcome the nerves. When I closed my eyes, I saw Oaklyn’s head pressed back, her lips open on a moan of pleasure, and my cock began to harden.
My eyes flicked open, pushing her from my mind. I stepped out of the car, letting the cool night air wash over me.
Shannon greeted me at the door with a smile and another glass of bourbon. As soon as I entered, her fingers linked with mine, and she moved me to her couch. I took one sip, letting the spicy alcohol slide down my throat and held her eyes. I set my glass on the coffee table and brought her fingers to my lips, kissing each one.
I knew I was good at the seduction, at making a woman feel wanted, letting her know I desired her. I could even pleasure a woman repeatedly until she forgot her name. Whisper dirty words and touch her perfectly.
I just couldn’t follow through and let her reciprocate before the past sunk in on me.
Shannon set her glass down before scooting close enough to press her thigh to mine and leaning in to kiss me. I watched her eyes close as her soft lips pressed to mine. Watched her lashes slip closed as she allowed me entrance to her mouth and I tasted the fruity wine on her tongue. When her hands began to skim up my thighs, I linked my fingers with hers and held them between us.
I wanted the kissing to last longer. If I had to be honest, I was lonely, and kissing was an intimacy I could gain the most from. I needed this.
My heart kicked up when her hands slipped from mine and moved to my shoulders as she threw a leg over my lap and straddled me. Her flowy skirt rode up her thighs and exposed the tops of her stockings. When she began to grind on me, I moved back to the kissing. I cupped her breasts, trying to remind myself of who was on top of me. She moaned as I flicked my thumbs across her nipples and the sound sent shockwaves down to my cock and hope floating through me.
But then her hands dropped to the crotch of my pants and I jerked, my heart beating in an uneven pattern before settling into an erratic thump. I focused on the feel of her soft breasts under my palms. I focused on her vanilla scent that screamed woman. I focused on her face and smooth lips smiling at me as she got my zipper undone.
Thankfully it was dim in the room, the only light coming from the kitchen through an open doorway. She couldn’t see the sweat beading on my forehead. Or the panic fighting its way through my body. As soon as her small hand snaked under my pants and brushed the skin of my dick, I lost. I lost the battle with my past, with my ability to hide my panic. I hit a brick wall of shame and embarrassment.
I didn’t want to have to explain to her how I’d gone so far and why I was jerking back now. So, I did the next best thing. I flipped her to her back and pinned her hands above her head. Her eyes widened in excitement and she rolled her hips against mine. I kissed down her neck as I worked my hand under her panties and pushed my fingers inside her. I worked her over, using all the skills I’d learned when I needed to avoid the topic of why their hands weren’t on me. She moaned, and I focused on the task until she was squeezing around my fingers.
I knew what came next. That she’d want to return to touching me and I couldn’t. I’d tried, and I’d failed, and now I needed to get the hell out of there.
As soon as she’d finished coming, I paused, freezing my whole body.
