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“I know,” he said so softly, I could hardly make it out. Those words had been hard for him too. I wished I knew how to make it easier on Zander, how to soothe his fears or take away whatever it was that made it so hard for him to trust.
He leaned his forehead against the window and didn’t speak. It wasn’t until we were almost home that he asked, “Where are we going?”
“I was hoping I could get away with bringing you to my place. I can tell you don’t want to go there, but Ross is having a few people over tonight and—”
“Shit. I forgot about that. He told me about it, and I spaced it.”
“Yeah, I figured you might not want to be around people.”
“You’re not a person?” He gave me a small smile. “Nah, I don’t think you are. Most people aren’t as good as you.” Zander’s gaze darted away as if he was embarrassed of what he’d said.
“It’s a talent, what can I say.” Then, when he didn’t reply, I asked, “Is it okay? Do you need your meds or anything?”
“I keep some with me, and yes, it’s okay. But only because I don’t want to ruin Ross’s night.”
“Oh, but you don’t mind ruining mine,” I teased, and he chuckled in return.
“I like ruining your day, I guess.”
“I like hanging out with you too,” I replied.
“Not what I said.”
“But we both know it’s what you meant.”
“You’re infuriating.”
“I would say it comes with age, but what would be your excuse?”
“I’m an old soul, Harrison. Sometimes I think I’m older than you.”
“Sometimes I think you’re right.” I pulled into the driveway at my house. I loved living in Old Fourth Ward. It was a quiet oasis right in the middle of the city.
He was silent but fidgeting as he grabbed his things and we headed for the door, which I unlocked. I stepped back for Zander to go in first, and he did, standing right inside the door and looking around. “This is… Holy shit, Harrison. This is nice.”
“Thank you. I know it may sound materialistic, but I always dreamed of having a home like this. I love being in the city, but I wanted it to feel like a suburb, with families and dogs and all that. When Ross was young, all I wanted was for him to have his own bedroom and a backyard to play in. Isn’t that silly?”
“No.” He shook his head. “It’s not silly at all.”
I closed the door, and Zander took a few steps inside. “Thank you. I already thanked you for earlier, didn’t I? I can’t even remember. If not, thank you for that…and for bringing me here. I definitely wouldn’t have wanted to be around anyone else tonight.”
But me? Did he want to be around me, or was it just that he could deal with it? “You’re welcome.” I stepped up beside him, and when I kissed his neck, he dropped his head to the side to get me better access, so I kissed it again and again and again. “Come on. I’ll get you something to wear.”
Zander took off his shoes and socks, set them on the doormat, then put his bag down too. He followed me to the stairs and then up. “Want to hear something funny? When I was a kid, I used to dream about having stairs. I don’t know why, but to me, stairs meant a real house. It seemed like all the families in TV shows had stairs.”
“They’re not great for your knees,” I replied.
“Stop pretending you’re older than you are. I do it, but that doesn’t mean you can.”
“I never thought I was old until I had sex on your futon.”
“Oh shit. Is it really that bad for you?”
“I’m just giving you a hard time. And I can see that, a kid dreaming about stairs. It’s funny, the things we cling to or the ideas we get. Like stairs or a backyard or even your own bedroom being what makes someone happy. Like it’s what matters. And sometimes it does, of course, but I think if you asked Ross, he would say it was us, our relationship, the times we spent together, not the things I wished he had. I’m sure you would say the same thing about growing up.” Zander nodded as I pulled out a T-shirt and a pair of shorts for him. “Do you want to take a shower?”
“Um…yeah, if you’re sure you don’t mind?”
“Yes. You can put your dick in my ass, but I draw the line at using my shower.”
“Has anyone ever told you you’re a smart-ass?”
“You bring it out in me.” I went into the en suite, and he followed. I got a towel out for him, a washcloth, and a new toothbrush. “Make yourself at home. I can take your clothes and throw them into the washer.”
