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“What do you mean?” I finally say.
“Alone?”
I shrug. “I was alone before I showed up here.”
Anja stares out into the nothingness. It doesn’t matter that she’s being friendly and striking up a conversation with me. I don’t trust her, not at all. Still, part of me feels bad for her, the same part of me that wishes I was home with my parents.
I finally give in and ask the question weighing on my mind.
“Why didn’t you go home?”
She turns to look at me, her gaze darkened with anger. “My mother didn’t want me to come home. She told me to stay here and that she didn’t want to see me.”
I frown, feeling the venom in her words. She’s angry, and I don’t blame her. For once, I can’t believe that we actually have something in common.
“I know the feeling,” I murmur.
Another minute passes, and I decide to head back to my room. I push off the bench and walk toward the elevator.
My fingers graze the button for the elevator when Anja asks, “Does it get easier? The loneliness. Does it become easier to deal with, or will it always feel like someone has punched a hole in my chest?”
Her words mirror mine, but I don’t think she really knows how I feel. How badly I’ve been tormented by her and her friends.
By Quinton and his friends. They’ve made my life a complete nightmare in every single way. Yet, there is a strength behind still standing here, standing against all the bad, even when the need to break was profound. A reply sits on the edge of my tongue, but I don’t speak the words I want to say. The door to the elevator opens, and I step inside, turning to face her. Our gazes collide, and I don’t really see her, I see through her. Anja might, for the first time in her life, be feeling a sliver of the pain I’ve endured, but we’re not the same.
36
QUINTON
Christmas Day. The entire house is decorated and smells of sugar cookies and gingerbread spice, and the lights twinkle across the Christmas tree in the same tempo the music plays softly in the background. All of this used to excite me and make me feel fuzzy and warm inside. Today, there is emptiness, a hollow feeling in my chest, where the memory of my sister lingers.
I look down at the bracelet in my palm, the diamond in the heart-shaped pendant glittering even more than the Christmas lights surrounding me. Adela loved this piece of jewelry, and knowing she gave it to Aspen leaves me with an odd sense of satisfaction. Almost as if my sister approved of Aspen from the afterlife. At least I got my sisters on board. The rest of the family will be a whole different issue.
“Ivan, Violet, Damon, and Keira just got here.” Scarlet’s soft voice drags me out of my head.
I close my fingers around the bracelet in my hand and stuff it in my pocket before I spin around to face my sister. “It’s about time, I’m starving.”
“I don’t see how that’s possible after the mountain of cookies you ate earlier.”
“Cookies don’t feed these muscles. I need protein to keep this gun show going,” I say, pointing at my arms.
Scarlet rolls her eyes at me. “You are so full of yourself.”
“Funny, people keep telling me so. Maybe there is some truth to it then?”
“Definitely.” Scarlet giggles, and I enjoy the moment of lightness with her.
We walk into the dining room together, where our parents, uncle Damon, and the rest of our extended family are gathered around the table.
“There they are.” Mom smiles, but it’s half-hearted. She tries her best to pretend to be happy today, but we all know how hard this is for her.
Our entire lives, she counted our firsts. First steps taken, the first day of school, our first love, and our first heartbreak. Since Adela’s death, we count a new, much more dreadful set of firsts, and this will be the first Christmas without her.
Scarlet and I join our family at the table, where I take my seat next to our father. Damon is on the other end of the table, with Aunt Keira by his side.
My mom’s sister, Violet, is sitting next to her with her daughter, Tessa, between her and her dad, Ivan. Roman, Ivan’s brother, and his family, including Ren, are here as well. He came home when Christmas break officially started, and Matteo left Corium for the holidays.
Scarlet and Tessa are about the same age but don’t see each other much since Ivan doesn’t want her involved in our business. After an incident when Tessa was six, Ivan took her and Violet and moved away, leaving the life of crime behind them for good.
I know it was hard on Mom not seeing her sister as often as she’d liked, especially when Adela died, but I don’t blame Ivan for leaving.
